You're my little Catalyst
by Antique.Clockwork
Summary: He should have known better than to help the lost child find his mother again, because strange happenings and coincidences in Ikebukuro always seemed to have involved Heiwajima Shizuo in some way. This time, unbelievably more so than others.
1. I want Momma!

The chill of autumn began to seep into the air of Ikebukuro, effectively nipping at anyone's skin who even dared to dress stupidly in this weather. Leaves began to fall, the cherry blossoms fell from their high thrones, and Heiwajima Shizuo sat peacefully underneath it all, a slightly frosty park bench that bared his weight scratched with the names of lovers, couples and children. Arms slung over the back of his seat, a cigarette dangled between his lips, and he let the nicotine fill his lungs, in and out, in and out.

Students rode past on bikes, mothers walked home with their children in tow, and business people made their way home hurriedly, not wanting to be caught in the bitter chill of night. Watching the city life pass him, Shizuo surprisingly felt at ease with his eyes closed behind his blue shades, a white scarf made of rich cashmere being his only resistance to the cold, courtesy of his brother Kasuka. It was times like these; Shizuo sat back and enjoyed the peace and quiet around him, the only remaining sounds being small chatter, footsteps, the occasional ring of a bicycle bell and the chirps of birds. He enjoyed these days, and they surprisingly came around often these past few years.

Opening his eyes to the sky above him, Shizuo thought in these times of quiet. He thought about happy memories, angered ones, amusing ones, and his mistakes. His mistakes usually made it to the top of the list, nagging at him and coming back to haunt him for his stupidity. Shizuo did not take lightly to his mistakes and cursed himself for it, growling low in his throat at a particular memory from not too long ago.

Pushing them to the back of his mind again, his good mood was ruined and he exhaled angrily before dropping his cigarette to stomp it out. Picking it up and flicking it into the nearest park bin, he began his trudge back home through the rather large park, winding cobble stone paths that led you through trees of beauty in spring, past a fountain of youth, through a playground of children, and soon, Shizuo knew from experience, a winter wonderland.

But a grin was plastered onto his face again when he realized why he enjoyed the peace and quiet so much these days.

He hadn't seen Orihara Izaya for about 4 years now.

The disappearance of the informant came as a shock for everyone, but Shizuo was not in any way, upset. Begrudgingly, he will admit that he was slightly lonely and bored without him, but he realized his days without him were for the better…

And _felt_ much better too.

Ikebukuro felt at slight peace without having to worry about several obstacles, vending machines and throwing knives coming their way, though they were still wary about Heiwajima Shizuo. Gangs who heard of his peaceful nature attempted to challenge him to it, but were proved he was a-okay once they flew across the whole city. But many things had become much better, leaving a smile on Shizuo's face more often than not.

Celty and Shinra properly consummated their marriage.

Erika and Walker are in a proper relationship.

Kida Masaomi and Mikajima Saki were engaged.

Ryuugamine Mikado and Sonohara Anri were dating.

And though Shizuo didn't care to remember any of the above's names or what they did, he himself had entered and exited a healthy relationship. One of his co-workers from work, a Russian blonde named Vorona, but they broke it off nicely after declaring the feelings just weren't there anymore.

Oh! And Shizuo saw Kasuka more often now. His brother had taken to talking slightly more now, and opening up. A shock to Shizuo, but a welcome surprise it was. Life was good. It was perfect. It couldn't be any better.

But unbeknownst to Heiwajima Shizuo, sometime in the near future, he would have wished he never stopped to help the child that was crying over at the cherry blossom trees to his right, because that child was the catalyst to his perfect life.

Of course, he did not know this at the time, so he tentatively stopped and listened for the voice of a child that cried and called sadly, and was probably lonely too. Feeling some sympathy, Shizuo looked around before venturing further into the trees until he found a clear opening surrounded by the raining pink blossoms. There, standing in the middle was a small child, arms down by his side and his face raised to the sky as he called shakily.

"Momma?"

Shizuo felt strings pull at his heart, his recent calm nature kicking in over his violent instincts. The child's call came once again, pitiful, wailing and sad. He stepped forward, small rubble and leaves crumpling under his footsteps, alerting the surprisingly sharp child. And what he saw made his heart stop and his windpipe constrict.

Izaya.

Was standing right there.

But… not there.

Small in height, couldn't possibly be older than 5, was a mini Orihara Izaya, the only difference being the age, the clothes, the _eyes_-

They weren't the same blood red he remembered.

The bright magenta hue of the eyes held him in a wide, teary stare, and he couldn't break eye contact with this kid. Dressed in a white coat with double breasted pink buttons, the fur of the hood and sleeves was reminisce of a memory he rather wanted to have repressed for possibly… oh say, forever? His inky black hair fell about his face, too similar to a face he wanted to punch years ago. But without breaking eye contact, the child called out once again, louder and higher this time-

"Momma?"

On the verge of breaking down, the child broke eye contact, sat down where he stood and let large drops of tears roll down his cheeks, down to his pudgy child hands, and to the cold cobblestone floor. Clearing his throat, but not believing his eyes, he tried to rack his head of possibilities.

_Could… could Mairu or Kururi have possibly had a child?_ He didn't remember anything of the sort, but quickly pushed down the lump in his throat to help the child in distress despite the itch in his fists.

"Uh… hey… kid? Are you… lost?" the deep voice of a stranger made the child jump, but he made no move to stand up and face the man. Clearing his throat once again, his peaceful nature he had trained over the years had come in handy. "Hey… I could find your mom if you want-" And despite his strength, he was unprepared for the ball of fluff that suddenly charged out of nowhere onto his chest. Bawling, the large eyes he had considered to be cute a moment ago suddenly became unattractive and _not_ so cute when the little button nose was sniveling and snot began to fall uncontrollably along with the large tears.

"I want momma!" the child cried. Shizuo could actually feel his air leaving his throat as the child refused to let him breathe. The small arms squeezed tighter and tighter around his neck until he tore the kid off by the collar, holding him at arm's length. Feeling a familiar bubble of irritation rise again, Shizuo glared at the child, and then took deep breaths.

His _face_.

It was _exactly_ like the flea's!

Why? Why, why, why-

"Hey mister?" the kid questioned, sniffing. His short arms and legs flailed in the air as he looked at the blonde in the eyes, above the shades that were drooping down his nose.

"Oh... uh, right. Your mom. Um… what's her name?" The child blinked owlishly at him before shaking his head.

"I don't have to tell you momma's name… Just look for someone who looks like me!" the child chirped. Shizuo's brow twitched at this, grumbling in his mind '_just tell me her damn name.'_ "But my name is Psyche!" he added as though he could sense the irritation rolling off the man. Sighing, Shizuo decided to give it a go anyway.

"Is your mom's name either Mairu or Kururi?" A pregnant pause stilled itself between the two and Shizuo was losing his patience.

"Who's that?"

Twitching in annoyance, Shizuo was tempted to drop the kid. And so, he gently lowered the child, and dropped him on his feet, promptly turning on his heel. _Annoying, annoying, annoying-_

"Hey! Mister!" the child cried out, almost angrily. Shizuo turned back around and glared down at the child who barely reached his thighs. Huffing, the child opened his plump lips again while crossing his arms. "You said you would help me. Where are you going?" Eerily, the child looked as though he was extremely intelligent for a brat at the age of 5, but what scared Shizuo the most was the determination that shone in his cherry blossom eyes.

The child's determination looked _exactly_ like his own.

Feeling slightly freaked out and curious and frustrated beyond reason, he sighed loudly and picked up the child. Squealing in happiness the child himself wouldn't have been able to describe, Shizuo felt… odd. He didn't know what to call the feeling, he didn't know what the hell the hormones in his body were making him feel, but he wanted answers. Clinging to him like a mini koala, Shizuo felt… complete. Fulfilled even.

Having second thoughts and judging whether or not the child was warm, Shizuo handed his cashmere scarf to the chubby cheeks and effectively covered the bottom half of Psyche's face as he wrapped it around with one arm. An appreciative pink rose to match the child's eyes as he chirped a 'thank you!' after popping his face above the scarf. Unused to being so hospitable, Shizuo felt a heat creep up to his cheeks despite the cold, and nodded. Cuddling rather happily to a stranger, Psyche grinned and wiggled closer to the warmth.

"Hey, aren't you getting a bit too close to a stranger?" Shizuo asked warily, though his arms didn't move to loosen their grip on the child. Shaking his head and nuzzling his face into the broad, warm chest, he replied-

"I don't think you're strange."

Snorting, Shizuo said nothing, but continued his way to the main path in Ikebukuro's park, starting his search for a woman that may or may not look like Izaya. _Who knows,_ Shizuo mused in his head. _Maybe the flea settled down and started a family while he was gone._

…

_That's kinda freaky actually._

Shaking his head, Shizuo continued walking and watched the small ball of fluff in his arms from time to time. Finding nothing to do at such a great height in the monster's arms, Psyche began to fiddle with the bowtie after becoming bored with the scarf, mumbling a shy 'oopsie' when he undid it. Shizuo didn't mind though, and simply continued walking without a sense of direction, but he didn't particularly care either. Having almost none to little experience with children, Shizuo didn't think he'd make the best babysitter out there, but with the small child in his arms, he just didn't want to let go. He began to become accustomed to the lightweight child, the way the small ball of fur tucked against him perfectly, the perfect chubby cheeks of an angel and the eyes of-

Hell he didn't even know where these thoughts were coming from, this was probably _Izaya's_ kid! _Snap out of it Shizuo!_ He berated himself in his head. He made it towards the busy streets of Ikebukuro, walking along the side paths and attracting a hell of a lot of attention with the child in his arms. Whispers spoke of the similarity to Izaya, disapproval was murmured from others, but Shizuo only focused his gaze on those who dared, and they were effectively silenced. Walking for quite some time in silence, Shizuo realized something was wrong.

"Uh… hey kid? Um…" _What was his name? Weird name um… Tyke? Psyche!_ "Psyche!" Jostling the bundle in his arms, the head of the child comically lolled backwards, a trail of drool connected from the corner of his mouth to the wet patch on his vest. Eyes peacefully closed and body completely lax, Shizuo frowned and twitched in annoyance. Shaking the bundle a bit harder, he called louder. "Oi! Psyche, we have to find your mom-"

That _smell_.

That _nostalgic,_ yet comforting and irritating _smell_.

As though Psyche had smelt the same thing, the small child bounce back to life, eyes darting and ears perked, nose sniffing around. Shizuo froze on his spot, paralyzed. Afraid, that if he moved, his life would change, he would meet that flea again, his life would fall into catastrophy-

"_Psyche!_" a desperate voice called loudly.

But he knew it was too late already, the moment he set eyes on the boy, he should've known better than to ruin the peace of his life by picking up this small-

"_Momma!_" Psyche responded quickly, ripping out of Shizuo's arms.

"Hey-!" Shizuo protested. But the child, despite having fallen quite a long way for his height, was fine and started running.

"_Psyche!_" the voice continued calling, but Shizuo didn't need to see the owner of the voice, the smell and sound of the voice was enough to alert him-

Izaya was back in town.

But wait-

"Momma! Momma! I'm here momma, momma I'm here!" the tears rolled forwards once again as the small toddler/child hobbled/ran through the legs of people to find his beloved-

_Mom?_ Shizuo exclaimed in his mind. This didn't make sense. How was Izaya a mom? How is a _he_ a _mom_? Was this child taught wrong from the start? Unexpectedly, as Shizuo pushed through the crowds to find the child again, he didn't know what to think when he heard the _unbelievably_ happy squeal that came from the previous informant broker.

"Oh my god, _Psyche!_" Rejoicing laughter rung in Shizuo's ears and he stopped, the people of Ikebukuro pushing past him and the man back in town warily. He could only watch, fascinated as he stared at the trademark jacket of Orihara Izaya flutter, said man picking up and twirling the chubby mini version of himself around and bringing him closer for a tight hug. "You're terrible for doing that to me Psyche! Don't do that to mommy again! Never ever leave my sight again!" Bawling and letting out incoherent babbles, the baby hurriedly agreed, nodding his head furiously.

"I never want to lose momma again!" and his crying continued, as he nuzzled his wet face into his 'momma', Izaya's eyes searched the crowd around him.

_I've missed Ikebukuro._ Izaya grinned, happy to have returned after so long.

"Momma, momma!" Psyche tugged on the fur hood, attracting Izaya's attention again. Nuzzling his own face into the baby's soft locks, Izaya let out a small 'hmm?' to show he was listening. "The nice mister over there took me to you! He even gave me this scarf!" Izaya paused, and apprehensively looked at his child and the scarf before scanning the crowd.

"Really now…? Who?" the flickblade in his pocket was not forgotten, and Izaya, if needed, mentally ran through a small plan to slash the man if he was some pedophile with candy and planned to do naughty things-

"Oh… He went home…" Psyche said dejectedly. Izaya raised a brow and looked back at his child who looked so… _sad_ that this mister went home. Izaya shrugged and hugged his child closer, beginning to walk back to his well preserved loft in Shinjuku.

"That's okay. If we ever see him, mommy will thank him personally okay? Now let's go home, have a nice bubble bath together and have fatty tuna for dinner!"

"YAY!" Psyche squealed, bouncing up and down. "Bubbles and fatty tuna! Bubbles and fatty tuna!"

Izaya smiled and hugged the child tightly, unwilling to let him go after the scary rush of losing his child had happened mere moments ago. But despite the happy smile on his face, he had hoped, though silly it was, that returning to Tokyo would not have him run into his beloved 'Shizu-chan' ever again.

He should have known it was an impossible thing to wish for. The two were attracted begrudgingly like magnets to each other. Keeping that distasteful thought in mind, he went back to observing his child to see if a hair had gone out of place. The only difference was the scarf, and as Izaya felt the material, his eyes widened slightly.

_Cashmere… nice. I suppose it's basic manners to thank whoever found my son for me..._

* * *

><p>Back under the trees at his own park bench, Shizuo smoked through the 5th cigarette in that <em>hour<em>. After seeing the last person on earth he wanted to see with a child he was _just_ getting attached to, he knew he couldn't stay. He didn't know for sure if he was seen, but he sure as hell hoped he wasn't. But what the hell. Shizuo tried to calm his nerves despite the questions that swam around in his head. Mom? Izaya? He's back? And with child? But what, and who-

_What the hell is going on._

* * *

><p><em>Tada!<em> This is the first installment of a series I've had in mind for quite a while now actually, I've got little twists and turns planned out already ^^

Though I'm sure you'll all agree that this was quite boring, I myself was snoozing through this thing while editing it. But I'll try to update regularly, seeing as I have a hectic year at school this year. I only hope this story will get better as I continue on typing, but until then-

Reviews and Criticisms are appreciated :)


	2. Unprepared

Tiptoeing around his own home with a fluffy blue towel in his hands, Orihara Izaya swept his gaze from left to right, carefully analyzing his surroundings. His attention was perked when he heard a giggle come from around the corner, and a predatory glint shone in his eyes.

"Teehee! You can't catch me momma, I'm the gingerbread man!" a baby voice chanted cheekily. Izaya only grinned, attempting to hide his laugh as chubby, baby bottom cheeks peeked from under a black, glass coffee table. He crept towards the laughing little bundle carefully, as to not alert the child.

"Oh Psyche, I wonder where you've gone! Momma's having a hard time trying to find you!" Izaya played along, grinning as he neared his target. His only response was a poorly hidden giggle, before Izaya swiftly kicked the coffee table across and scooped the little naked toddler into the towel and cuddled him close. Laughing triumphantly, the joyous screams of Psyche mingled with the pride Izaya was beaming with. Raising the child higher in his arms, he moved the towel aside to blow raspberries on the squealing child's stomach, causing the squeals to raise an octave higher.

"Momma, stop! Psyche can't breathe, Psyche can't breathe!" the child shrieked happily, whereas Izaya lowered him and nuzzled into the soft, wet locks of hair.

"That's why cheeky little Psyche shouldn't run away from momma when he hasn't even been dried from his bath yet," Izaya scolded lightly. Chubby, soft fingers settled itself on both sides of Izaya's face as Psyche placed a sloppy kiss on his momma's lips. "Eww! Little Psyche drooled all over momma!" Izaya laughed, lifting Psyche high up into the air. The child only laughed in response, promising that he wouldn't run around naked again, though Izaya only sighed with a smile when he noticed the crossed fingers that settled itself behind the child's back.

_Sneaky thing resembles me too much_ Izaya thought affectionately before heading back to the bedroom the two shared.

"Now, let's dry and dress you up so we can go pick up our fatty tuna!" Izaya exclaimed, towel drying the boy who stood on the bed with his arms outstretched. "And let's go eat with uncle Shinra and aunty Celty okay? I'm sure they said they wanted to see you as soon as possible!" Psyche, having been familiar with the two through internet video chatting cheered, clapping excitedly even as Izaya towel-dried his soft locks of inky hair.

"Yay! My first time meeting uncle and aunty!" Psyche exclaimed, his large magenta eyes sparkling with excitement. Izaya grinned, dressing his son in his usual white fur coat with white pants and pink sneakers. Humming while he combed the soft locks briefly, Psyche bounced around and headed straight for the door while Izaya's smile fell slightly, his eyes scanning his room until it fell onto his wardrobe.

_Guess it's time, huh?_

* * *

><p>"God damn," Shizuo cursed as he panted, wiping a bead of sweat off his brow. The loud, tormenting slow creak of metal was the only warning bystanders had received before watching the large street light plunge into the ground, igniting a cloud of dust in its wake. Screams and complaints filled the air as Shizuo sighed and turned back to his expecting employer. Tom only grinned as his junior walked close, and clapped him on the back.<p>

"S'okay Shizuo, that guy deserved that streetlight anyway." Though it sounded comical to hear, it was in no way, out of the ordinary for someone like Heiwajima Shizuo, who only nodded and walked beside his senior. "Say, Shizuo," Tom began to speak, snapping the blonde out of his little daydream. "I don't know what to believe, but is it true? Orihara Izaya is back?" Choking on the oxygen he breathed, Shizuo stiffened and paused in his steps, unbelieving of his senior's daring question. The incident with the child and Izaya happened only a few hours ago, and it was past 6 pm now, but it still wasn't enough time for Shizuo to get over the fact that Izaya was back and had a mini-Izaya in the time he was gone.

"I don't know," Shizuo grumbled, hands shoved into his pockets to suppress the memory of what it felt like to hold a child in his arms. "Nor do I care. Hope he really isn't back." Tom laughed at this, and the two continued their silent walk to their next and final destination, something Shizuo sighed in relief at. Though the payment really wasn't hard to obtain, seeing as Tom did the usual entrance of kicking the door down and Shizuo showed his face, more than enough to have the guy pleading for his life. The money was handed in an envelope, and Tom grinned much too happily at the man whereas Shizuo headed out as soon as he could.

His head was a mess; he just couldn't get that child and Izaya out of his head. He felt as though he had missed something, and that was nagging at the corner of his mind, incessantly nagging, pulling, grabbing his attention, trying to drag him down, down-

"-zuo. Shizuo! Earth to Shizuo?" Tom called, waving his hand in front of Shizuo. Shizuo perked up, and Tom laughed, dismissing him with a wave of his hand, saying that tomorrow he had a day off as well. Shizuo thanked him, and headed off in his own direction, the nostalgic smell of a certain baby's shampoo wafting in his nose, taunting him as he walked past a pharmacy. He paused, inhaling the scent of the baby from earlier this afternoon, and in his moment of spiteful anger, shot his arm out and destroyed the post box next to him.

Needless to say, Shizuo's mind was in disarray.

* * *

><p>Bending over and tying the final lace on his right shoe, Izaya straightened up and looked around quizzically when he noticed his little angel was no longer beside him.<p>

"Psyche-chan? Psyche, it's time to go! Where are you hiding now?" Izaya called out into the empty house. A small 'oof' alerted Izaya that the small bundle of fur was tumbling down the stairs before Psyche made his presence known.

"Ready!" the small child chirped, a newly wrapped scarf around his neck. Izaya raised his brow at the sight of his child becoming quite attached to the scarf he had only adopted today. And by a stranger, no less.

"Psyche, what happened to the scarf momma bought you?" Izaya questioned curiously, feeling a little jealous that a stranger's scarf had more credit than his own. Twiddling his fingers nervously, Psyche mumbled before raising his tear filled eyes guiltily.

"I'm sorry momma, I lost it earlier in the park today while I was looking for you!" the babbling lips cried as tears dripped down his chubby cheeks. Izaya sighed with a soft smile, closing the distance between himself and his son and scooping him into his arms.

"That's okay Psyche, as long as I have you again. Nothing else matters," Izaya cooed, rubbing the child's head and back soothingly. Sniffling, Psyche wiped his tears away and nodded.

"Sorry for holding you up momma. Can we go now?" Psyche asked quietly, to which Izaya smiled brightly and gripped the door handle a little harder than necessary. He would never admit it, but he was afraid of stepping out into Ikebukuro… Like…

This.

Unable to even look at himself in the mirror, his fur-lined jacket swirled in a flourish as the sound of a door clicking into place echoed throughout the dark room.

* * *

><p>"Momma! Smell that?" the little ball of fur pointed out, cuddled in the informants arms. He was small for his age, maybe around half a head shorter than other 4 year olds, so carrying him was no problem for the informant, especially when the informant himself was able to support all his body weight while hanging over the side of a building.<p>

"I swear Psyche-chan, you have the nose of a puppy," Izaya cooed affectionately while trying to imagine what his child smelled. "What is it you smell Psyche-chan?" A little bit of drool escaped pink petal lips before Psyche perked up and bounced up in down in his momma's arms, pointing in a wayward direction.

"Octopus ball! Octopus ball!" Psyche chanted gleefully. Izaya's mind racked his memories for anything related to street stalls that were close to them, tapping into his memorized mind map of Ikebukuro. Smiling Izaya knew which street he was referring to, and headed towards the smell which his child pointed out happily like a dog.

"Takoyaki, here we come!" Izaya cheered, laughing with the gleeful giggles of his son. He laughed forcefully, attempting to hide away from the stares and whispers that crowded around him, caging him in, coming in closer. Some held mocking gazes while others pointed and stared, creating an uneasy tension in his muscles that Psyche picked up straight away.

Again, his chubby baby hands smacked onto each side of his momma's face, scaring him out of his insecure trance before he smashed his chubby lips forward and leaned back, grinning. Izaya stared at his son for a moment, before a wave of giddiness swept over him. Tears threatened to water his eyes as Izaya hugged Psyche tightly-'too tight momma!'- and hid his face in the crook of his son's hood and head.

_That's right…_ Izaya thought to himself. _It's okay, because you're worth it_.

* * *

><p><em>Ding dong<em>.

"Eh! Celty! They're here, they're here!" Shinra bounced, waving his arms about excitedly. Celty's smoke betrayed her modesty as she too, seemed ecstatic at the arrival of their guests. Shinra and Celty both rushed to the door, and just before Shinra could undo the chain-

"Ding dong! Ding dong!"

"Psyche, it's okay you don't have to say it."

"Uncle Shinra~! Aunty Celty~! Psyche and momma are here!"

Bubbles of happiness surrounded Shinra temporarily as he dropped into Celty's arms behind him from the sheer overload of cuteness the child was exuding through the door.

"Celty… Let's have a child-"

Effectively shut up with a swift punch to his throat, Celty opened the door and greeted the two excitedly, gladly catching Psyche as he leapt into the woman's arms. Despite meeting the odd couple for the first time in real life, Psyche had no problem opening up to them.

"Wahoo! It's Aunty Celty! I'm Psyche!" The smoke that poured from Celty's neck formed a quick love heart before she too, fell for the little bundle of love's charms and snuggled him. Izaya watched with furrowed brows and a forced smile, knowing full well that Celty most likely disliked his return greatly. Which was why he was so shocked when Celty balanced Psyche on one arm, and opened the other arm in a friendly invitation for a hug.

Shinra could only grin from his position on the floor, chin propped in one hand as he watched the blush fully cover an uncomfortable Izaya's face. Celty's hand gestured him to come closer, and he did so, head tilted down and arms awkwardly dangling by his side as Celty squeezed him tightly and Psyche cheered and clapped.

"My turn to hold you Psyche! I'm uncle Shinra!" Shinra intervened, bouncing up from his place on the floor.

"Wee! You look the same in the computer as real life!" Psyche cried out happily, waving his arms in the air as Shinra held him up towards the ceiling.

"That's it. Celty, my love, we are reproducing tonight-AUGH." Celty and Izaya simultaneously attacked him, with a jab to the stomach from Celty and a downwards chop on the head from Izaya.

[Stop saying such embarrassing and ridiculous things!] Celty typed on her mobile while Izaya lectured him about teaching Psyche of body parts that are 12 years too early for him to learn. Nodding weakly, Shinra tried to hide his pain with a smiling grimace while Psyche cuddled into his neck happily. Suddenly remembering the takeout bag in his momma's hands, he bounced out of a surprised Shinra's arms and towards the fatty tuna.

"Momma! Dinner! Dinner! Fatty tuna! Fatty tuna!" he cried, reaching for the bag greedily. Izaya laughed at the normal behavior of his son whereas Celty's body language gave away her soundless squeal. [He's just like you Izaya! But so cute!] Celty quickly typed before running to the kitchen to grab refreshments for everyone. She left her phone on the kitchen counter and quickly poured a glass of water for everyone.

"I'm cute too," Izaya scoffed as he planted himself comfortably on the couch. Shinra sat adjacent to him on a sofa chair, chin propped in his hand as he smiled at Izaya. Izaya looked over at Shinra's scrutinizing gaze and blushed angrily. "What are you staring at?" Izaya snapped. Shinra closed his eyes, the smile still on his face despite the hissing fit Izaya was throwing.

"Nothing. It's just I haven't seen you like that in a while I guess. Forgot how cute you were."

And at that, Izaya's whole face burst into red, reaching the tips of his ears and the end of his neck. He glanced down at what he was wearing, and brought his longer hair out of his collar.

_Last time I dressed like this was… beginning of middle school._

* * *

><p>Shizuo growled as the dial tone met his ear for the 5th time in that one minute. That was really odd for Celty to not pick up her phone. Shizuo thought to himself, wondering if there was ever a time where Celty didn't pick up her calls or reply to her texts. Remembering none, Shizuo's concern grew for the headless rider. Despite the fact that she was immortal, it didn't hurt to be worried about a friend. Shizuo dropped his half smoked cigarette into a small packet that he could smoke again for later, and headed towards the direction of Shinra's house to check if everything was okay.<p>

Taking a detour around the city, Shizuo gazed at his surroundings and wrinkled his nose in distaste. Sleazy women hung off the shoulders of drunk rich men, while bars were filled with alcoholics doing their daily visits late at night. Gazing at the pub reminded Shizuo of a night he wish he could forget, but it just wouldn't leave. Growling, Shizuo tried to ignore the sounds in his head and the mental images that began to accompany it.

Head filled with the sounds of passionate love making, without the love, Shizuo celebrated his birthday with Tom years ago, when he first started the job. Claiming he needed to relax a little and loosen up, Tom had taken him to one of the finest clubs out there, known for their killer drinks and pretty ladies. Shizuo begrudgingly followed, seeing as he was forced to go, and left the club hours later with a woman on his arm-

_Just like those stupid rich bastards who don't think with their heads_, Shizuo thought angrily before punching a wall just to ease some of the tension growing inside. So the woman came home with him, made love, slept together and was gone by the time Shizuo had woken up, throbbing head and sticky residue all over. Needless to say, Shizuo had his first time in a one night stand, and Shizuo was _not_ happy.

Shaking his head and breathing in deeply, Shizuo forced himself to forget, just forget. Celty was important now, finding that woman wasn't. One of the things that had hurt Shizuo the most, was the fact that he still held hope for that woman coming back to start a proper relationship, seeing as she knew his name, but he just didn't know hers. And before he knew it, he was standing at Shinra's door. Settling for a more humane approach, Shizuo rang the doorbell and stood patiently.

_It's a good thing I didn't even feel the need to attack the flea today_, Shizuo thought to himself. _Years without that parasite really did good for me- hm?_ Shizuo stopped his train of thought when he heard giggles and laughs, and the muffled 'who's at the door?' _Shinra has guests?_ The chain rattled before it was slipped out of place and the sound of five locks unlocking made a nerve twitch in Shizuo's face, but what he saw totally left him unprepared.

"Who is- ah! Shizuo!" Shinra momentarily panicked, closing the door until only his own body could be seen. But Shizuo's attention was drawn to the white bundle that squeezed between his legs. That little ball of fur that he found earlier in the afternoon, the one that insisted on calling him-

"Mister!" Psyche cheered happily, bouncing up into the unprepared blonde's arms. "Mister, you came back! Do you want your scarf back? …Mister?" Shizuo stared at the child, lost for words until he looked up at the sound of a voice he would never forget, despite the 4 year gap.

"Shinra, who is it?" Balancing the child on one arm, and shoving the door open – along with a complaining Shinra – to confirm his suspicions, if he thought Psyche being here was a surprise-

Dressed in a v neck long sleeved dress, the fur jacket was the only piece of evidence to Shizuo that confirmed that person was indeed, Izaya. The dress was a bit tight, stopping at mid thigh as high socks covered the rest of finely toned legs, only a sliver of skin seen in between the two articles of black clothing. Long flowing and layered-cut hair fell from the red eyed informant's shoulders and at that point, Shizuo didn't know _what_ to think.

_Izaya… all this time… you?_

The frightened shock that made itself known on Izaya's face told him that Izaya, too, was unprepared to meet the fortissimo of Ikebukuro.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Wowwww I'm boring myself with the story so farr zzz...

hahah not to fear! I will continue the story, it's just I'm looking forward to writing more Psyche and family drama than the whole explaination and all the shock and everything. But the family stuff won't come until ... 2 chapters later. Sorry to make you guys wait! But I hope you enjoyed this chapter all the same


	3. Niichan!

**A/N:** Okay, so I should probably mention it since the surprise is out, and the cat's out of the bag;

This is a fem!Izaya/Shizuo story, with an adorable Psyche in between :)

With that cleared, if you don't like it, don't read it. Those who don't mind, enjoy!

* * *

><p>The look of it to outsiders was quite comical really, but intimidating and frightening all the same.<p>

Bouncing in the arms of a lithe and skinny woman, a white lump cheered and waved his arms about – "_Wheee!_" – as said woman was tearing down the streets as though she was running from her death.

"IIIIIZAAAYAAAAAA!" the inhuman scream came.

Picking up her pace, Izaya ran for her life.

Yes.

Orihara Izaya was female.

* * *

><p>Shaking, her hands trembled terribly as she held the scissors close to her head.<p>

"_Wow, what a freak!"_

"_What's up with you?"_

"_Haha Izaya's like a boy, boy, boy~!" _

"_You act and look like a boy, might as well _be_ one!"_

The trembling frame of a 6 year old Orihara Izaya shook violently in a corner of her room, because she just didn't understand.

What made her stand out so much?

Was she that much of a freak?

So what if she liked boy stuff a bit more than girl stuff, she still loved pink! And unicorns! And puppies and kittens-

So what if she was unbelievably intelligent for her age? So what if she wore sneakers and pants, so what if she had dirt on her face and hands, so what?

Does that make her a boy?

Fat, rivulets of tears ran down her cheeks, one chubby hand grasping a handful of black hair while shaking scissors made its way towards the luscious locks.

"_Na na, na na, Izaya's a _boy_!"_

"_Ewww, don't come near us!"_

Sobbing, the scissors' blades met again in a thick _slice_ as the first chunk of hair was chopped. Uneven, choppy strands of hair fluttered back to her face and she dropped the scissors, crying freely and loudly in her own home, hands raised into fists beside her lashes, bottom settled in a lonely corner of her pink decorated room.

"_Careful! Izaya has boy cooties! Boy cooties, boy cooties!"_

"_Tranny! Transvestite! Ewww!"_

"_Kana-chan, don't play with her, she's actually a boy."_

_Gasp._

"_Ew… let's leave her alone."_

_Alone._

_Alone._

_Alone._

_Boy._

_Boy._

_**Boy.**_

"ORIHARA IZAYA! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?"

* * *

><p>"<em>Did you hear? Apparently Izaya-chan is gender confused."<em>

"_What? No way! I thought she took medication because her hormones were messed up!"_

"_No! Izaya-chan is actually a boy!"_

"_What?"_

"_Gross!"_

"_Don't play with her!"_

Seated alone on a steel bench, Izaya quietly ate her sandwich on her own, lunchbox neatly settled on her lap. Kids stared at her and gave the 10 year old unwanted attention as they wondered whether under that elementary school uniform, was Izaya male or female?

But none cared to actually ask her directly, only allowed themselves be fed by the poisonous rumours and lies. They stared and pointed and whispered, but Izaya was used to it by now. What few friends she made were quickly torn away from her as they were informed of her tendency.

"_Haha, watch the loner eat by herself."_

"Himself_ you mean haha!"_

"_God, is it a girl dressed as a guy or not? Can't she just stay as a girl?"_

The sandwich in her hands dirtied her fingers, oozing through the rips and tears she made from gripping the soft baked dough too hard.

_I dress as a girl, you insult me. I dress as a boy, you still insult me!_

_What do you all want from me?_

* * *

><p>Aged 12, and about to start a new life in a new town in a new school, the shaking hands of one Orihara Izaya clutched tightly onto the modest, black backpack she wore to start her first year in middle school. Dressed in a knee-length navy skirt with a red scarf around her navy sailor uniform, she trembled in her spot in front of the school. Arguments flew through the Orihara household daily, about the 'gender-confused bastard of a child' who could not decide on who she wanted to be.<p>

_Or who _they_ all wanted her to be._

Finally giving up after the bullying became intense, Orihara Izaya moved from her quiet town close to Okinawa towards a busier town, just outside of the Tokyo district. Her mother was pregnant with twins, and so the house was often busy with bustling around and preparations for the two new children, though Izaya wasn't all too fond of becoming an older sibling, when she didn't even know what gender she was meant to be-

_-_told_ to be._

But she entered this middle school none-the-less, known as the shy, quiet and cute Orihara Izaya with shoulder length hair. Cute, smart and shy, many boys cooed over her, while other girls tried to interact with her amiably. However, despite their kind advances, they had learnt to ignore Izaya after her non-responsive nature had clearly displayed her displeasure with socializing.

"Hey, cutie~"

The shuffling sound of footsteps continued as though no one had called out.

"Aww, don't be like that! Hey sweetie, come talk to your dashing, attractive senpai!"

Shuffling along, Izaya ignored her senior's pleas, despite the quickened pace between the two.

"Hey! Don't be like that, I just want to talk to you-"

_Sching._

The sound of a flick blade being swung with amateur precision sliced through the air, the blade caught between the two fingers of the senior who had been chasing her down the hall. Smirking, the ruffled brunette leered down at the younger girl who had looked amazed at his display. Sighing playfully, the older middle-school boy flicked his fingers and sent the blade flying into the wall beside them, lodging itself neatly.

Open-mouthed and gaping, Orihara Izaya stared at the knife, shocked, amazed and embarrassed all at the same time.

"What's a cutie like you playing with dangerous knives for, huh?" the threatening, deep voice of the male purred, leaning closer to Izaya with each second passing.

"Do that again!"

Blinking, the senior stared at the unafraid teenager. Glaring up at him with determined, bloody eyes, he noticed that she wasn't all that short either.

"Uhm… what-"

"You can play with weaponry right? You can handle knives right?" the intimidating, but commanding voice of Izaya had spoken. "Teach me!"

Grinning, that was when Rokujou Chikage had become the older brother to Orihara Izaya.

* * *

><p>"Twins were born yesterday," the monotonic voice of Izaya suddenly stated around the lollipop in her mouth. Sitting up straight immediately from his relaxed position on the ground, Chikage's eyes lit up, with the lollipop in danger of falling out of his mouth. Snapping Chikage's jaw shut with one hand, she was not amused as Izaya waited for the onslaught of babble that would come.<p>

"What? Are you serious? Boys or girls? Cute? Look like dad? Mum? Tell me tell me _tell_ _me!_"

"Twins were born yesterday. Yes. Girls. Okay. Like mum." Bored, Izaya glanced over at the fan-girly squealing gang member.

"Ahhh! I have to see them! You're a nee-chan now! What are their names? Can I-" his constant stream of words had slowed and stopped when he noticed Izaya stood up abruptly.

"Rokujou, seriously, just shut up."

Those were the last words he had heard from her that day as Rokujou watched the door to the rooftop slam shut. His blank face had shifted into a grin as he had picked up on Izaya's sudden mood swing.

_The only child's jealous~_

It was so easy.

She was trained by Rokujou, an actual leader of a biker gang, in knife-throwing. Blade wielding. One flick of her wrist, and the two bundles of _joy_ that were currently squirming in their sleep would be dead in a minute-

The flutter of eyelashes, the tossing of a chubby body, the furrowed brows of a restless sleep-

Maybe even less.

Glinting in whatever dim light the streetlights provided through the window, the stark blood of his eyes leered while the blade in his hand shone. They were only a year old, they wouldn't remember. They wouldn't know. It was so easy.

So easy.

So easy, so easy, so-

_Damn. It's waking_, Izaya grimaced. The things were devils when they woke up unpleasantly. She supposed she wouldn't be too happy to find her own older sister with a knife above her head either. Blearily, in sync, the twins opened their eyes, eyebrows scrunched, bright red eyes teary and mouths turned into ugly, open frowns.

_Shit, I_-

_Giggle._

Eyes widening, Izaya watched the two frowns mutate into all smiles and giggles while the two lumps of chubby babies rolled to their nappy covered bottoms and clung onto the crib for support. They stood to their feet and reached for Izaya, who all of a sudden felt-

_Scared._

Maybe it was because she was a girl, she had a maternal instinct to hold the babies close and cherish them. Maybe it was because those two _things_ were just so beautiful, so captivating, so happy and oblivious, that Izaya was jealous. Maybe, just maybe, but for the moment, Izaya was happy as she was. Reaching towards those tiny fingers' grasps, and holding them each in one arm.

And then she couldn't even remember why she despised the twins so.

* * *

><p>Laughter and giggles filled the air as baby babble had passed between both girls that ran around in the grass at the present moment. Seated at a close distance comfortably on a park bench, Izaya watched affectionately, her hair loosely tied out of the way, her hooded jacket and shorts keeping her cool from spring's torture. Chikage sat beside her with a silly grin on his face, watching the two children play happily.<p>

"Can they talk yet?" he asked curiously, chin propped in his hands which were currently supported by his knees. Shaking her head, Izaya lazily soaked up the vitamin D she was receiving.

"Barely. It's still all baby talk."

She didn't bother to hide her smile when she watched Mairu fall, dragging Kururi with her. Flailing about and rolling on their backs and stomach, they finally gained enough momentum to tumble back onto their bottoms and pause for a moment, before laughing all over again. She didn't know when it happened, how it happened, but amazingly, she loved those two more than anything else in the world now. Caring for younger twin sisters had brought out a more feminine side to her, pleasing her parents, and yet, as she thought about it-

"Ehh? Izaya-chan? Rokujou-kun?" a quizzical voice confirmed. Rokujou turned around and jovially waved whereas Izaya turned and nodded dully. She was introduced to Kishitani Shinra a little while ago through Rokujou as he explained 'he's the guy to go to when you know the hospital won't help you.' "What are you two doing here? Getting cozy I see- ooh! Babies!" sitting down on Izaya's other side, he immersed himself into observing the two life forms who, at the moment, just didn't have a care in the world.

"Aren't they adorable?" Rokujou asked, slipping back into his comfortable 'baby-sitting/watching' position. Smiling goofily, Shinra nodded in agreement, looking as though he had reached a Nirvana. Izaya scoffed and smirked, leaning back in their seat with her hands shoved in her pockets.

"Well they're mine." 'Aww's and 'boo's had fallen immediately from both men's mouths, whereas Izaya sat comfortably with a smug expression settled on her face. Watching the twins intently, she decided they were _hers_. _Her_ little angels, _her_ little sisters, _hers_ to protect. As though they could sense the eyes on them, the twins stopped throwing grass blades at each other and looked over to their older sister, who waved in return. Smiling, the twins both grabbed their toes and rolled onto their backs, for no apparent reason, but to the three, it was _damn adorable_.

After a comfortable silence of watching the twins play and roll around, Izaya still had that niggling feeling in the back of her mind. Those taunting voices in her head. Those lingering questions that floated around in her mind.

_Boy, boy, boy!_

_Eww, you're a transvestite!_

_Yuck, don't come near us, gay!_

"Hey guys…" Izaya suddenly spoke up. Rokujou glanced up at her from his slouched position and Shinra directed his attention to her, pushing his glasses back up. "So should I be a girl or-"

"God's sake Izaya!" Rokujou sighed exasperatedly. Bristling Izaya glared at him.

"What? I'm asking people I trust here-"

"I could always attempt to see how far my surgical skill goes, in regards to changing gend-"

"I don't want anything _down there_ altered at all you freak-!"

"Izaya, we've been through this already-"

"I could get you a chest transplant and fix your voice box-"

"Not helping-!"

"Guys, shut _up-!_"

"_Waaaaaah!"_

Glancing up from their heated argument, the three heads whipped towards the sound of the cry, but Izaya was already running towards them as though there was a danger present right behind her. Sensing that her twin was distressed, Kururi's pudgy lips slowly upturned into a frown, before she too began to wail with Mairu. Combined, the cries were enough to make Izaya's panic frantic as she dropped to the ground and scooped the two up into their arms, checking all over to see if they were injured. Littering the two's faces with kisses, Izaya apologized over and over again, while Shinra and Rokujou couldn't help but fawn over the feminine, affectionate display.

With their cries subsiding, Izaya concluded there was nothing wrong, and since they were sitting when she found them, she figured a possibility could include one of them falling on their bottom and thus eliciting a cry from the other. She stood and walked over to the two, sighing as she held a twin in each arm.

"I think it's time to go home now, they've been out long enough." As though on cue, the two chubby heads began to droop towards Izaya's shoulders, drifting between the fine line of sleep and staying awake. Rokujou still frowned at Izaya while Shinra looked sympathetic. Narrowing her eyes, she began to walk past until a voice had stopped her in her tracks.

"You know, we have told you, Izaya. This is your decision. No matter what you choose, you will still be a girl. It's how you present yourself that matters. Other people can't make your decision for you, it's your life." Face turned slightly so that her angled cheekbones could be seen, she paused, waiting for more words with sting to come from Rokujou's mouth. Clearing his throat, Shinra spoke too.

"Yeah… We're here to help and everything but ultimately, the decision is yours Izaya. How far you want to take this, to what extent, and how you want to live your life."

An awkward silence filled the space between the 3 plus two halves, before Izaya simply nodded without a word and walked away.

_What if I don't want to choose?_

* * *

><p>Upon thinking through and through, Izaya didn't know what to think. Primary school rumours had somehow gotten around to middle school, so most students avoided her on the most part. This gave them an excuse to dismiss and envy her intelligence as something that came with her freaky transvestite gender. Rokujou was her only friend, but he was going to leave for high school soon too, which disappointed her. Dismissing her thoughts aside, she, with great difficulty, entered her home and into the well decorated room of Mairu and Kururi.<p>

Tucking the two in, she flicked the nightlight on and turned to shut the door quietly, until-

"Nii-chan?"

Pausing in her tracks, she glanced back at the crib where a standing Mairu rubbed her eye sleepily.

"Where go, nii-chan?" the sleepy voice murmured. Dumbfounded, Izaya could barely speak.

"You… talking… you can talk…" she mumbled. Tilting her head to one side and holding her red bunny in her free hand, she looked up to Izaya again and grinned cheekily, albeit sleepily.

"Nii-chan, love you!" Eyes widening, Izaya could feel her tears return. "Love you nii-chan, love you! Nii-chan, where go?" Scooping the younger twin up swiftly, Izaya buried her face in the wispy baby locks before laughing quietly as tears escaped her eyes.

"Little bastards, could talk all this time, couldn't you?"

A giggle only met her in response.

* * *

><p>Striding in with a confident strut and a grin that dashed many, students watched in shock and great interest as Orihara Izaya strode through as though she owned the playground. Which she may as well have, with all the people staring at her as she passed. However, their stares were no longer filled with disgust, they weren't grimacing, they didn't judge her.<p>

No.

Dressed like this, with an appearance as dashing as hers, they all watched with admiration.

Girls swooned as she- _he_ strode past, they gossiped, giggled and blushed.

Boys stared as he- _she _strode past, whispering, questioning and wondering.

Izaya grinned, dressed in his boy's high collared black uniform with his hair cut so that layered wisps of hair framed his handsome face.

Never, had she- _he_ felt so good in his _life_. They weren't giving her those looks anymore, they weren't judging her, they weren't disgusted by _him_. As he passed a particular classmate of his, she dropped her books by accident. Stooping down with her to help her pick them up, she blushed as their hands made contact.

"T-thank you." The classmate's eyes however, widened to comical sizes as the smooth, deep, yet slightly feminine voice had replied.

"You're welcome."

And that's when the hush began.

"Is that… Is that Izaya-chan?"

"No way! Those rumours were true?"

"Izaya-chan! I thought it was a new student!"

"He's so hot!"

"Is Izaya-chan a girl or boy?"

"This is so weird."

"Who cares? If she's a guy, that just makes him my perfect match!"

"Intelligence!"

"Witty!"

"Handsome!"

And it was after those hushed voices spoke and Izaya entered the building, she couldn't help but smirk sadly, eyebrows furrowed. _How d__isgusting._

_This is the only way I can fit in, hm?_

_Humans are so interesting._

* * *

><p>"How is everything going? Has my father done everything right? You know how much I wanted to do the surgery, but he went off at me saying 'you're too inexperienced Shinra, you don't know anything yet compared to your knowledgeable and attractive father!' The nerve of him!" Shinra fumed from his place, clipboard in hand as he imitated an extremely deep voice which had the purpose of representing his father. Laughing from his seat on the bed with his legs swinging back and forth, Izaya never felt happier.<p>

"Everything's great Shinra. You know you guys have it easy actually. You don't have mounds on your chest that jiggle with every movement you make-"

"Too much information Izaya-kun…"

"Haha! If you can't handle me talking about it, then how would you have touched my boobs and removed them, hm?"

"Izaya-kun!" Shinra protested in a flustered mess. "Anyways! What I'm more worried about is the voice box. How did that go?" Frowning, Izaya delicately placed fingers close to a barely visible scar on his throat and shrugged.

"Shingen said he moved it lower and wanted me to talk first before making any more changes. But I sound fine like this, right~?" Izaya sang. Shinra chuckled and nodded, writing all progress he found down on the clipboard.

"Well… uh, I know this sounds pretty bad, but even I have trust issues with my dad, so I want to know, did he change anything, uh, down-"

"I know. It was the first place I checked," Izaya mumbled with a pink tint on his face. "But down there's untouched." Sighing in relief, Shinra nodded.

"Okay, that's all you wanted right? The appearance of a guy?" Shinra questioned tentatively, knowing Izaya was extremely touchy. Shrugging nonchalantly, Izaya smiled.

"Mairu called me nii-chan, and nii-chan I am."

"Have you heard from Rocchi lately?" Izaya asked, walking with his hands tucked behind his head. Dressed in his new high school uniform, he altered the style slightly to match his witty and charming personality. Besides, he wasn't dressed in the proper uniform anyway, with the black high collared jacket, red shirt and black dress pants. Dressed in the proper blue Raijin Academy uniform, Shinra glanced over to Izaya and shrugged.

"No I haven't actually… not since-" Shinra stopped, but the awkward pause had screamed '_not since you became a guy_'. Shrugging, Izaya lazily stretched himself out with an uncaring attitude. Shinra's eyes however brightened up when he suddenly remembered.

"Ah! But since we're attending the same high school together, I don't have to keep coming over to your school like before! And I'll introduce you to a good friend of mine!"

Looking over lazily, Izaya raised a brow.

"Will we get along?" A silly smile was his only response from Shinra, and Izaya smirked.

_Guess not._

"Shizuo-kun!" Shinra's energetic voice had called after a soccer goal had screeched and landed heavily through the air onto the soccer field. Turning around with a grunt-

Shizuo and Izaya made eye contact for the first time.

"Meet Orihara Izaya!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Pheww, after so long, I finally got another chapter up for everyone ^^

Sorry, This chapter is a bit rushed since I tried to get it out, and get past Izaya's whole 'past' thing seeing as I didn't want to write about this-

I wanna write about Psyche-baby ;A;

But I think it's safe to say I can start on the real story now, finally.

Hope you enjoyed this installment,

Reviews and Criticisms appreciated!


	4. Everything's Wrong

"Damn," Shizuo panted, hands on his knees as he struggled for breath. Lost in some alleyway of Ikebukuro, Shizuo cursed over and over again, striking a brick wall to release some of the pent up anger that began to worm its way back to Shizuo again, after so many years. What the hell was happening? That was definitely the flea, but in _woman_ form? Was this some kind of joke? And the kid! So it was his- her kid? He wanted answers. He wanted to know what was happening, after having so much control in his life for so long, the control was slipping through his fingers again-

And he didn't like it.

"Shit, shit, shit!"

"Momma, mister said a bad word three times!" Psyche whispered to his mother who held him tightly with his back to her front. Hushing her son with a delicately manicured hand in front of his mouth, Izaya hissed back.

"It's okay Psyche, Santa does it too. Now hush before he finds us!" Hidden around the corner, and unable to escape until Shizuo actually went away, Izaya almost swore out loud as Psyche let out a large, _audible_ gasp.

"_Really? _Santa too?" Quickly muffling the rest of his downtrodden childish dreams with her hand once again, Izaya slammed her head against the brick wall behind her. _Oh fucking hell._

Straightening up, Shizuo was definitely sure he heard something. So sure, he could bet Shinra's life on it. Grinning, he could imagine a flustered Izaya trying to pipe down a pipsqueak version of him. His grin spread further, almost animalistic as he let out a loud, theatrical sigh.

"Oh no, whatever shall I do?" Shizuo sighed. Izaya stiffened in her spot, eyes widening as she glanced down at a Psyche that stopped struggling and started listening. "I really wanted my scarf back too… oh well…"

_No, no, no!_ Izaya pleaded in her head. _Don't do this you stupid-_

"But I _love_ playing games though! I wonder who'll play with me!" Psyche's struggles began once again as muffled complaints began to pile up and Izaya slammed her head against the brick wall behind her.

"Marco!"

"Polo!" Psyche immediately screeched back, as Izaya repeatedly began smashing her head against the brick wall behind herself, screaming inside her head-

_Why? Why? Why, why, god damn, you smart, protozoan brute, _why!

Her screams exited her mouth in a high pitched wail of surprise as Shizuo appeared around the corner, suddenly shouting 'found you!'

"Wheee!" Psyche cheered as he jumped into Shizuo's arms. "Mister, you found me!" But Shizuo's attention wasn't on Psyche, though he had traces of a smile that was slowly fading away from the little game earlier. Instead, his attention was captivated by the skinnier version of Izaya, with nicely toned legs, a slim figure with slight hips, and a subtle curve of breasts that he was _confident_ was never there before. Looking at Shizuo in defeat, Izaya looked as though she had given up.

_No use hiding it now_, Izaya relented.

* * *

><p><em>Cat's out of the bag.<em>

"That's Yugi-kun."

An elephant flew through the air.

"This is Mai-chan."

A giraffe went following after it.

"This is Popo-san!"

Soon after, the hippo flew through the air as well.

"There goes Kiki!"

A black cat soared through the air due to its lighter weight.

"And _here_ is Maru-chan~!"

Finished off with a penguin.

By now, Shizuo was buried in the centre of the lounge room with a_ mountain_ of toys covering him, the penguin being the last of them that was thrown. A drop of sweat found its way down Shizuo's face as he forced a smile.

"These… are a lot of toys, Psyche."

"Oh, those are only the ones that sleep with me."

_Holy fuck_.

Weary, Shizuo glanced around the lounge that seemed so unfamiliar, and yet _screamed_ Izaya. Though it looked as if Izaya had definitely planned on returning, seeing as the place was sparkling and spotless, despite the 4 years of absence.

"Do you… want some tea?" the distant voice of Izaya called out before he-_she_ raised the teapot visibly from her stance in the kitchen. Glancing at him-_her_! Shizuo shook his head. Clearing her throat, Izaya nodded back and poured a cup of tea for herself instead as Psyche rambled on and on about the toys he had in his room. Listening to the list of toys Psyche was counting off with his chubby fingers, Shizuo didn't really want to venture into there, because by the sound of it, it sounded as though he could drown in there.

"And there's a really scary witch doll in there I got for Halloween, I call that one Yagiri-san. And there's also…!" Shizuo raised a brow when Psyche's face suddenly scrunched up into furrowed brows of concentration, a frowning pout on his lips. His magnificent magenta eyes glared down at his tiny fingers, and Shizuo stared, not knowing what to do.

"Um… hey… are you okay?"

Izaya looked over to her child quickly at the blanket of silence that suddenly fell, but when she saw her son, she chuckled quietly in recognition.

Glaring up at Shizuo, he stiffened in his sitting position on the floor as the younger Izaya concentrated.

"Hey mister… put up 3 fingers."

"… Hah?"

Shizuo blinked at the sudden request, but with the serious face the 4 year old was pulling, Shizuo wasn't sure what to do so he simply agreed and put up his thumb, pointer, and middle finger.

"Uh… like this-?"

"No!" the child shouted. "Like this!" Psyche demanded as he shoved his hand in Shizuo's face to provide an example of _which _3 fingers he wanted. Shizuo glanced at the baby hands and furrowed his brows. _One… two… four?_

"Um… Psyche… that's four fingers."

"I know! Now you put up three!" Frazzled and confused beyond belief Shizuo stared, before raising the three fingers in the middle of his hand, excluding the pinky and the thumb. Psyche stared long and hard at the elongated fingers of Shizuo before glaring down at his own fingers, then back at Shizuo's, and then back down again. And then the sound that left Shizuo's mouth had Izaya dropping her teaspoon on the ground in shock as she whipped around to stare.

Laughing freely, and ever so gently, Shizuo watched as Psyche struggled to control his fingers and lift up the three he had mentioned. He could raise his two fingers to make a peace sign fine, but upon raising the third finger; his pinky would disobediently follow straight after. Slowly, _slowly_, the third finger lifted itself and it was _almost _successful until-

The pinky popped up too.

Looking as though he wanted to chop the last finger off Psyche was on the verge of furious tears. Still laughing, although it had subsided, Shizuo gingerly placed a large hand on Psyche's head – almost engulfing it- and ruffled the soft, raven locks affectionately.

"I'm sure Mr. Pinky will listen to you one day. For now, don't worry about it."

And Izaya could safely say, that was the first time, in her 10 years of knowing Shizuo, that was the _first _time she had _ever_ seen him smile like that. Usually there were grins and manic smiles that emanated death, but this-

She couldn't stop the blush that fought its way to her cheeks and she quickly turned back to her tea, fuming at her cursed womanly behavior.

"Hey mister, what's your name?" Psyche inquired, staring up at Shizuo in awe. Blinking, Shizuo too realized that he didn't even introduce himself to the kid.

"Heiwajima. Heiwajima Shizuo." Psyche's eyes sparkled as he continued to stare.

"Are you a serene man?" Blinking at Psyche's sudden interpretation at the kanji in his name, Shizuo forced a smile.

"Not quite as much as I hoped to be…"

"Oh… well are you a peaceful island?"

Shizuo laughed again and lifted Psyche high in the air as the latter cheered and giggled.

"If that's what you want me to be, sure!"

"What if I want you to be my daddy?"

Time stood still and the oxygen in Shizuo and Izaya's lungs left abruptly, eyes widening and mouths struggling to let the air back in, to remind them both to _breathe_. Shizuo's laughter died immediately whereas the sound of breaking chinaware and hot tea spilling sounded from the kitchen. High in the air, above Shizuo, Psyche stared down at him questioningly, but Shizuo could see the longing that lingered in the child's eyes.

He was being serious.

"Psyche," the warning tone of Izaya came. "Go to your room."

"… Have I done something bad momma…?"

"_Now_."

Immediately, Psyche lowered himself forcefully from Shizuo's arms, but the tall man who seated himself on the carpet made no move, even after the sound of a bedroom door had clicked shut quietly. Standing up, Shizuo turned to Izaya with a determined glare fixed in his amber honey eyes. Izaya glared right back at him from her position in the kitchen; she was expecting this moment the very instant the three had made contact with the timber floors of this apartment.

"Where is his father?"

"Of all questions to ask, you ask that one first?" Izaya scoffed, pouring a new cup of tea for herself.

"Izaya, you will not _believe_ the amount of questions I have in my head right now, so many, I can't even _count_," Shizuo spat. "_Where is his father_?"

"I _am_ his father. And mother-"

"Don't give me that fucking bullshit, Izaya, who's the _fucking dad_."

"He doesn't _need_ one, he has _me_," Izaya hissed back, just as much venom and loathing in her words.

"You're single? And he doesn't _have one?_ What do you mean he doesn't _need_ one, every fucking kid out there wants two parents-"

"That's a fucking lie, I didn't want _either_ of my parents!" Izaya almost shouted back. The volume of their voices was slowly increasing, the innocent 4 year old that resided upstairs currently forgotten in their heated debate.

"Okay, so he doesn't have a father, but what the _fuck_ are _you_?" Shizuo began to shout. "All my life, I've been thinking you were a guy, but you're a fucking _woman_? What kind of crazy fucked up shit _is this_? Is this some kind of a joke! Are you really a woman or man right now?"

"Oh, so let's not take into consideration that I've never fit in anywhere, and that I had fucked up identity issues for my whole life, no, let's _ignore_ that and concentrate on the fact that Orihara Izaya is a _transvestite_! No, I wasn't judged my whole life, _no_, I had a perfect life, and decided one day, 'oh, I want to be a man'; that's not how it _fucking went_!"

"For god's sake Izaya, if I really must be blunt, your chest was _flat_. Of course no one knew you were a bloody woman-"

"Yes, it was _flat_, it was flat _before_ the little milk-sucker upstairs needed _milk_ from, I don't know where they come from, _breasts_?"

"Don't call him that!" Shizuo hissed as though Izaya had insulted his own son.

"Was what I said wrong? Was there anything _wrong_ with what I was saying? Is there anything _wrong_ with what I _am_ saying?"

"_Everything's wrong!_" Shizuo shouted with all his might, though he refrained from raising the volume too high, slightly mindful of the child upstairs. Shocked out of his senses, Izaya stared at a panting, stressed, _tired_ Heiwajima Shizuo from across the apartment complex. "Everything… my life was fine… it was going great… and then _you_ came back with _him_." Bristling, Izaya felt fury race through her veins, bubbling over the top as she snarled viciously.

"I'm so fucking _sorry_ I came back into your life, now get the fuck out the door so everything _can be right again!"_ she screeched before beginning to throw plates at him with amazing accuracy. Hitting her target directly, each plate made contact and smashed into Shizuo, but he only stood still and took it all. Frustrated at how compliant he was being, Izaya shouted and threw a knife at him after her stock of plates ran out. Shizuo caught the blade with his hand as it whizzed directly for his heart. After the temporary moment of insanity, the sound of glassware breaking had stopped, and Shizuo stood, unmoving as blood poured _everywhere_.

Panting harshly, Izaya glared and held back the river of tears that just wanted to break free and flow. She held her strong image in front of Shizuo, she wouldn't break down, not here, not now, not in front of that man. Slowly and sluggishly, Shizuo turned in his spot and walked towards the stairs. Eyes widening in mad anger, Izaya quickly reacted.

"And where do you think _you're_ going-"

"That's not what I meant…" Shizuo mumbled before he took another step up the stairs. Hand poised on the railing, Shizuo blankly stared at Izaya, eyed devoid of any emotion except maybe-

_Guilt?_

_Regret?_

"What?" Izaya hissed lowly. Shizuo stared at her for a moment longer, before he shook his head, mumbled a quick 'I'm checking on the kid', and headed upstairs sluggishly. Izaya snarled and followed after him.

Psyche's room was the second door on the right down the hallway, but his room was not hard to find as he had a colourful, childish name plaque on his door with the words Psyche spelled out in pink. Opening the door slowly, Shizuo glanced inside.

"Psyche…?" his hoarse voice quietly searched. The amount of pink in the room astounded him, white furniture littered here and there, but as he spotted the small child, he felt a tight pain clenching around his heart as a weight dropped down in his stomach.

There, trembling in the corner, a small ball of fluff protected by a mountain of toys, sat Psyche. Tears flowed down his face freely, as he held his palms to his ears, trying to block out any more noises of violence and hate and anger. Even from his position at the door, across the room to the child, Shizuo noticed the toys dropping, one by one off the mountain that surrounded him, due to the violent trembling. What Shizuo hated, what he absolutely _hated_, was that terrified expression many people had after witness Shizuo's feat of violent anger and strength.

Shizuo hadn't even _lifted_ anything yet, and he was terrified.

Stepping forward into the room, Psyche's terror had raised up a notch as he wailed and screamed a small 'aah!' Shizuo had never felt so conflicted, sad, and guilty in his life. Reaching a hand out to the boy, he opened his mouth to say sorry, but-

"Why is momma so angry?" the shaking voice sobbed, eyes wide in case of any danger that may have threatened to come near. "Momma's never been that angry before. Why did you make her angry?" the child cried, knees tucked up to his chest as sobs wracked through his tiny frame. "Why is everyone so unhappy?" Shizuo swallowed thickly, and reached out again, only to be rejected when Psyche once again wailed.

"No! No, I want momma!" Pausing, movement from the corner of his eye attracted his attention, and Shizuo had noticed that there was a full length mirror beside him-

And he looked _terrible_.

Covered in blood from head to toe, splashes of it littered his usual bartender uniform as Shizuo realized he looked like a true monster right now.

_Monster._

He didn't move when he watched someone else's reflection dart across the mirror, didn't react when he heard the cries of Psyche become louder, only to be shushed quietly. Only when Izaya had spoken again, did he turn his head away from his disgusting reflection to look at Psyche, tucked away in his mother's arms, safe, sound, not needing anything else.

"_He doesn't need one-"_

"I think it's best if you left, right now, Shizuo."

"_Shizu-chan, you're so unreasonable."_

"_Oya~ Shizu-chan so temperamental today!"_

"_Shizu-chan, stu~pid! Stupid stu~pid!"_

"_Shizu-chan-!"_

"_Shizuo."_

_That's not my name_, Shizuo found himself thinking. _Shizuo's… not my name_. Shizuo caught himself with that stupid train of thought as he slowly turned to leave. _Izaya… what's happened…_ Overwhelmed with something he couldn't quite put a finger on, couldn't _quite_ identify, Shizuo exited the hallway and found himself slowly, robotically, taking a step at a time.

Who knew that the return of Orihara Izaya could fuck up Shizuo's life so badly?

Shizuo certainly didn't.

Which was why he found himself turning the handle to leave the spacious top floor apartment, leaving with more questions than answers like he originally had wanted. But before he had a chance to turn around and close the door, he looked up and met blood red. Cold, piercing eyes the colour of his clothes now had glared at him through a small crack in the door.

"If it makes you feel any shittier, you're the father."

And the door promptly slammed in Shizuo's face, and in that moment, he just wanted to scream and tear the whole building down with his bare hands.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: ** I just spent my sleeping time writing this for you guys, and editing it, but then the internet decided to be a bitch and stop responding, so now I had to start all over again to fix it, but really, I can't make myself give a fuck anymore, I'm grumpy now.  
>Summary of EXTREMELY LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE I TYPED UP SAID:<p>

I don't like this story much, but I'm still updating it for you guys.

I don't consider my stories good enough if they don't have 10 or little less reviews each, but I keep writing this for the many of you that favourite and story alert this.

Didn't like this chapter. (except the scene with Psyche's room)

Marco Polo - blindfolded person calls out marco, people running and hiding call out polo; blindfolded person has to find them and tip them so they can be 'it'

Review or criticise or enjoy


	5. Just One Chance

A smile graced her lips as the school bell rang, and hordes of children ran from their classrooms, dragging behind them kites, holding papers of colourful pride, and carrying bags that contained half empty lunchboxes where the healthy items were left untouched. Her phone was slid shut by delicately manicured fingers and her comfortable stance against the brick wall of the entrance to Ikebukurodaisa elementary settled for a more upright position, her hands tucked in her pockets for the arrival of her precious bouncing bundle of love.

"Momma!" a particularly loud and startling squeal came.

Opening her arms and welcoming the bundle of love, she nuzzled a kiss onto her son's cheek as he laughed in delight.

"Hi sweetie! Mommy missed you _so~_ much!"

"But Psyche missed you more!" the little boy corrected as his eyes glowed.

Izaya only laughed and cuddled the boy closer as she started walking.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh! Psyche missed you _this~_ much!" the boy in her arms stated, stretching his arms as far and as wide as he could.

"Oh yeah? Mommy missed you from the ground up to the stars in the sky! She missed you _that_ much!" Izaya laughed, snuggling her child. Eyes wide in wonder, Psyche's mouth dropped into a small 'o' shape.

"Wow… that's a lot."

Laughing, Izaya nodded as she cuddled Psyche close to her frame and waited at the traffic light signal to turn green and let her walk.

"Well… well! Psyche loves mommy _more_!"

"Oh yeah?"

* * *

><p>"Ding dong! Ding dong!" Psyche shouted cheerfully as he stood at the base of Shinra and Celty's door, Izaya smiling beside him with his little chubby fingers enveloped by her larger hand.<p>

"And this is why, my dear Celty, I said we should reproduce- OOF!" the muffled voice behind the door sounded as Celty opened the door a little too hastily. Psyche ran in through the opening in between Celty's legs and around Shinra's shaking ball on the floor with his arms outstretched like an airplane.

"Whee! Psyche-plane has landed! Whoosh!" And at that, he flung himself into the couch, face first with his arms grappling for support as his tiny legs kicked about in the air. Celty was fidgeting on the spot as smoke darted here and there above her neck, displaying how much she just wanted to pick the small child up and hold him and never let go.

"My god Izaya!" Shinra cried out melodramatically as he brought an arm to his forehead and flung himself backwards. "How is he so damn CUTE!" Izaya only smiled through the whole time she had entered the threshold, and that's when Shinra and Celty noticed something was wrong. Flailing about for a moment, Celty quickly typed onto her mobile and displayed it for Izaya to read.

[Is everything okay, Izaya-chan?]

Blinking, Izaya was unused to the suffix that was added to the end of her name, but she quickly waved it off and smiled.

"Sorry, Celty-chan, but could you please show Psyche some other rooms inside the apartment? Maybe get him some ice cream and then play with him-

Somewhere else."

Celty did not miss the strict tone in Izaya's voice and quickly nodded, scooping mini-Izaya in her arms and quickly grabbing a frozen dessert for the child.

"Eh? Aunty Celty, where are we going? I wanna play with mom- ooh, ice cream…"

Seated across the counter from where Shinra sat, Izaya's smile never left her face, until she had heard the door shut.

At that, she slumped over the table with her arms outstretched as gloom had clouded over her entire figure.

"Shinra… what do I do… I told him…" came the depressed whine. Shinra raised a brow and chuckled.

"Well he was bound to find out sooner or later, Izaya-chan. I mean, you're dressing as a girl again-"

"No! Not that!" Izaya said exasperatedly. "He knows he's the _father_ now!"

"What?" Shinra spluttered. "I thought you weren't ever going to tell him!"

"But I'm on my periods, and I got moody and angry, and then I blurted it out!" Izaya whined into her arms. Sighing, Shinra leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed, his expression slightly pained as he stared down at the whimpering form of Izaya.

"Well… not like we can do anything about it… Besides, Izaya, he's the father he has the right to know-" And the whizz of a blade chopping a few fine strands off his hair had silenced his speech as the blade lodged itself in the wall opposite to Izaya. "O-okay, well maybe you didn't want him to know and everything but still! You can't do anything about it now."

"Thanks for the help, really, you helped a _lot_," the sarcastic tone of Izaya bit as she slumped back down. Smiling sympathetically, Shinra leaned over and patted her gently. "Don't touch me," came the muffled grumble before Shinra chuckled and backed off. After a moments silence, Shinra fidgeted in his seat, and waited for the opportune moment to attempt and reconcile the fighting duo together, as impossible as it sounded.

"You know… Izaya… you could give Shizuo a chance…"

And another blade had soared past his head, this time, effectively grazing his cheek.

Wincing, Shinra held the wound on his face with his palm as he stared into the furious red eyes of his female middle school friend.

"Yeah, what a great idea, just _accept_ the man I hate for no reason at all, since my kid doesn't need a father, and oh! Why not let the father throw my kid out the window if the kid happens to accidentally piss daddy off, what a _great idea Kishitani Shinra_."

"Izaya, you weren't exactly the best mother candidate either, and look at you know, you're the most amazing mother I've ever seen-"

"I'm the _only_ mother you've ever seen," Izaya deadpanned.

"I'm a _doctor_, I've seen a _lot_ of mothers thank you very much."

"No. Shinra, just no. I can't let that brute interfere with my life, I'm loving it as a single mother."

"Give him a _chance!_"

"_No_!"

"Why is momma so angry so often now…?" a teary voice sobbed from the hallway. Whipping around to face the child, Izaya immediately dashed to her son and coddled over him in her arms.

"Baby, mommy's sorry, she's not angry, she's just a little stressed right now-"

"M-momma was angry with uncle a little moment ago… did he scream at momma too?" the child cried into his mother's furry jacket. Whispering apologies and showering his face with kisses, Shinra was reminded of a time long ago when it used to be girls in her arms, and apparently twin sisters that had changed her life. But what also caught his attention, was the baby's words.

"Scream…?"

"Shizu-chan and I got into a little bit of a disagreement yesterday before he left…" Izaya muttered angrily as Psyche tensed at the name of said person.

"He's a bad meanie-poo… right momma?"

"Right."

"Izaya, don't teach him that!" Shinra cried out exasperatedly. Unable to keep Psyche in the room with her, due to him being able to smell 'tears' from the living room, Celty quickly typed out on her mobile, [Izaya, please just give Shizuo a chance, he's not a bad person!]

"Well I wasted all my plates on Mr. Not a bad person, so the whole reason I'm actually here, was to get you guys to look after Psyche for a bit while I go out to buy new ones."

"I wanna go with momma! I wanna go, I wanna go!" Psyche began to whine in his mother's arms, bouncing up and down.

"Aw, mommy wants you to go too, but she'll come back quickly okay? I just need to hop in and hop out, and I'll have brand new plates for us in no time!" Looking a little put out with angry brows, pouting lips and crossed arms, Psyche glared at his mother.

"…Promise…?"

"Yes, yes, mommy promises."

"…and you have to get me a plate that looks like an elephant okay…?"

"Yes, yes, mommy will try."

"…come back quickly-"

"Psyche! The longer you talk to me, the longer it'll take for me to get back sweetie, don't worry!"

"But momma-"

"I'll be back before you know it," the mother said with a wink.

* * *

><p>"Fucking hell, just my <em>fucking<em> luck," Izaya cursed as she ducked behind the corner of a wall into a small alleyway.

Heiwajima Shizuo, apparently on his day off, was walking through the streets of Shinjuku for _some strange reason_ hoping to coincidentally walk into _a particular _someone_ and _someone. But Orihara Izaya had to admit, during the time she was gone, Shizuo learned how to dress himself.

_And quite handsomely too_.

Prepared for the biting chill of winter, Shizuo was dressed in black slacks, shiny, polished dress shoes, a black, double breasted long coat and a tartan patterned brown and red scarf at his neck.

_Don't see me, don't see me, don't, don't, don't-_

_Please don't see me!_

And Izaya felt blessed by some strange power from above as she sighed in relief when the footsteps that crunched along the side path had stopped. She thought that when he had stopped in his tracks, he had forgotten something, or maybe turned away from the path he was continuing on. But she had forgotten the freakish power of Heiwajima Shizuo as he sniffed the air and all giddiness in Orihara Izaya had dropped like a rock in her stomach.

"I…zaya?"

"God dammit, who the _fuck_ told you to get sniffing powers like a dog!" the frustrated woman yelled as she stepped out of her hiding place. However, as she glared up at the man before her, the angry tension in her body just slipped away as she relaxed without realizing it.

4 years was a long time to leave somebody to change for the better, Izaya had decided as she watched Shizuo stand before her calmly, as if she didn't know the man. As if this man wasn't the same man who had chased her out of Ikebukuro 4 years ago. As if this man wasn't the same boy she met in high school, the same boy who hated her since their first meeting, as if that boy…

Had grown into a man, who stood before her today.

Narrowing her eyes in a cold glare, she found herself with her hands shoved in her pockets angrily.

"I hate you," she hissed with as much venom as she could. Flinching, Shizuo blinked for a moment as Izaya watched his movements, waited and _expected_ a change in his behavior. The snap of a vein in his face, the twitch of a hand reaching for a sign post to uproot it, anything, _anything _-

"Oh… uh… okay…"

_Okay?_

_**Okay**_? Izaya seethed in her mind as she bristled on the outside.

Where was that fearsome man of Ikebukuro that punched you across the city if you irritated him?

Where was the fortissimo of Ikebukuro who screamed Izaya's name at the sight of her?

Where was that boy in high school that declared his hate for her in the first meeting?

Where were the vending machines?

The sign posts?

The traffic lights?

Where was he?

Where was he, where was he, where-

"Where is he?" Izaya hissed as she bunched the collar of Shizuo's coat, bringing his face close to her bared teeth. Shizuo stared at her, unblinking as he stared in confusion. "What have you done to my Shizu-chan?"

And at those words, Shizuo didn't know if he should have felt wonderful inside at her concern and her mention of him belonging to her, or whether he should have felt heartbroken for looking for a man that he didn't want to be. So instead, he steeled his eyes to a hardened gaze and replied-

"4 years is a long time, Izaya."

Eyes widening in shock, Izaya stared at him with an almost terrified expression before she thrust him away from herself.

_You never did follow my expectations, Shizu-chan._

_Why should this time be any different?_ She thought bitterly as she wrapped her cardigan tighter around her frame and walked away from the man she once knew…

But she was a little put off by the sound of footsteps following close behind her.

Glancing behind, she saw a crestfallen look in Shizuo's eyes and she almost swore at herself for finding his kicked-down-puppy look adorable as he followed behind like a lost little boy.

…Except maybe not so little.

"Where do you think you're going?" Izaya huffed as she picked up her pace. Shizuo only increased the length of his strides as he followed behind.

"Following you."

"And why, may I ask?" she muttered loudly with an irritated lilt in her voice.

"Because…"

"Because?" she snapped, swirling back around to face the man. "Because _what_, Shizuo?"

"I want to see Psyche…" the man murmured, embarrassed as he buried his face into his scarf. Laughing harshly, Izaya threw her head back.

"Hah! Fancy that! Now that you have a lovechild, you want to see the kid? You want a happy ending? That's _not_ going to happen, _Shizu-chan_, not while _I'm_ around," Izaya hissed, though she was thoroughly unprepared at the next statement Shizuo had blurted out, as if all his problems could be solved if he could just get around this _one_ little question that ran around his head for the past night and day.

"But we've never had sex!" he blurted out, furiously red to the very tips of his ears as he shouted the problem that had raced through his mind for the entire weekend. Stunned, Izaya could only stare as passersby also stared in _great_ confusion. Smirking, a bittersweet anger settled itself in Izaya's eyes as she could feel the hatred for this man grow and grow.

"Right. Because you were too drunk to remember that you fucked me that one night 4 years ago when dear _Tom-san_ took you drinking."

And then it all clicked into place.

The woman knew his name already, before he introduced himself, but he was too far gone to realize it was simply Izaya. Because he most certainly remembered there was no male genitalia the night he 'made love' to the 'stranger', because he would have never pieced together and figured out that he had sex with Orihara Izaya, a _woman_.

And he could suddenly see why she knew his name, why she left before he woke up, and why she never called back.

But by the time he snapped out of his trance, Izaya was halfway down the street in her rush to get away from the monster-

Who was no longer a monster.

_I love humans._

_All of them._

_Which is why, Shizu-chan, you're not allowed to be human,_ Izaya thought in resent as she stalked away from the stranger.

_Because I hate you _-

"Izaya!" he called out. He walked at a fast pace behind her, calling her name repeatedly but she only ignored him and continued to her destination. So he finally gave up after a while, and settled for quietly following behind her like a good little duckling.

Which she _hated_.

* * *

><p>Strolling through the lanes slowly, Izaya took her time as she browsed through the display of plates of all different purposes and sizes. Unfortunately for her, the tall brute of a man protozoan had followed her into the store. A plain large set of dinner plates with thin black and gold rims had caught her interest as she eyed it with some favour.<p>

_Hmm… these will do nicely…_

"Get this one," a soft, deep voice mumbled from behind her. Irritated, Izaya turned her head to briefly glance at whatever the monster had chosen before the breath in her throat hitched.

"_And you have to get me a plate that looks like an elephant okay…?"_

There, in the hands of her hated person, was a child's bowl, with elephant ears on the rim and the elephant's face at the bottom of the bowl, colourfully decorated and _perfect_ for Psyche.

"Get this one for Psyche…" Shizuo mumbled as a soft tinge of pink on his cheeks rose to the surface. Harrumphing, Izaya turned on her heel and strode towards the cash-out counter with the desired plates in hand, no elephant bowl in sight. Shuffling behind her, however, she could hear the lumbering, awkward footsteps of Shizuo and that irritated her to no end.

Hurriedly, she paid for the dishware, and rushed out of the store, but alas, the tall monster was on the very back of her heels.

And there it was again.

"Izaya."

That irritating, calm, handsome voice.

"Izaya."

That stupid, lumbering, brute of a man-

"Izaya, _please_-" And then Izaya suddenly stopped in her tracks, causing the tall oaf to bump into her and mumble a quick 'sorry!'

"Only because you _begged_, Shizu-chan," Izaya hissed as she turned to face the stranger she didn't know-

But _oh_.

She knew him.

The determined, gleaming look in his honey coloured eyes, the furrowed brows that angled downwards in frustration, and the tight frown of his lips-

_That_ was the Heiwajima Shizuo she knew.

And so she patiently listened, recovering from the brief moment of electric shock that jolted through her veins at the sight of the familiar man.

"Izaya, just hear me out…" he started off, grabbing her arm in the process to prevent her from leaving. "Ever since I left, I've been thinking…"

"Oh really? Well think about it some more while I walk away from you," Izaya persisted as she tugged her arm from his grasp. She was scared now. She was scared because he was there, he was coming back, he was-

"Izayaaaaaaa…"

How dare he do this to her.

How dare he hide himself, his face, behind a fake, calm mask and then all of a sudden show himself again. Show the very person he was 4 years ago, show himself _once again-_

To the woman who had fallen in love with him, 4 years ago.

"Shizu-chan, I don't have time for this, who _knows_ what Shinra could have done to my baby by now!" Izaya struggled, before falling slack in his arms as she realized what she had just done. Eyes lighting up, the tall man in front of her suddenly perked up like a child on Christmas Eve.

"Psyche's at Shinra's?" he asked, suddenly excited. And so she took her chance to rip her arm from his grip and stride away, but Heiwajima Shizuo would have none of that. Not after the 4 years disappearance of Orihara Izaya, he didn't dare let her out of his sight again.

So when he had lurched forward and hoisted her waist into a somewhat cute and romantic grip, Izaya's heart wanted to leap right out of her chest, then and there as he carried her like-

A sack of potatoes.

"What the _fuck_," Izaya muttered with a sad smirk. _Not exactly the fairytale romance I wanted, but hey… might as well enjoy the moment._

Hoisted on his shoulder, Izaya was much too exhausted to continue her angry façade, as she simply relaxed there and watched the muscles of his back ripple lightly and his toned legs take each step. Despite the calm aura the two parties were emitting, several Ikebukuro citizens gaped as they passed, many of them whipping out their phones to take pictures and post it on their forums, most likely on the Dollars website too.

A rumbling from underneath her confused her momentarily before she began to pat and soothe the man that was growling from the unwanted attention. Immediately, the growls subsided and Izaya questioned herself, 'why don't you just stab the man?'

'Kill him?'

'Shed his blood?'

'Slice his heart out, to the point where it will kill him emotionally _and_ physically!'

_But, it's kind of hard to kill the man you've been in love with for 6 years,_ she argued with herself, and before she knew it, she had endured the whole ride on said man's shoulders to Kishitani Shinra's apartment.

Finally settled on her feet, Izaya sighed and tried to tolerate the inner turmoil within herself as she waited for someone to answer the door, seeing as Shizuo had already pressed the doorbell. Footsteps hurried down the hall, along with the sound of smaller, faster footsteps right beside it. _Shinra and Psyche_, Izaya had guessed from their movements, but she would expect their expressions to be quite priceless at the presence beside her.

And priceless they were indeed.

Shinra's glasses had skewered on his face as his mouth hung open, whereas the mini-Izaya had expected him, seeing as he had sniffed the two as soon as they arrived at the doorstep.

"Why are _you_ here!" the little boy huffed, arms crossed and chest puffed. Kneeling down with a kind smile that no one had ever seen on the Heiwajima's face before, he ruffled the black tuffs of hair on the child's head gently.

"Is it okay if I have a few words with you, Psyche?"

Shocked, Shinra and Izaya both stared at the blonde, before exchanging confused glances with another. If there was anyone he needed to talk to, wouldn't it be Izaya? None-the-less, all 4 were ushered back inside by Celty as Shizuo took the hand of a stubborn Psyche who pouted angrily all the way into a private room with his biological father. Shinra and Celty had to hold back a kicking and shouting mother as she attempted to follow the two, shouting profanities and possible 'bad' things the man could have been telling her son.

"Psyche, the reason I'm here is," the man started off immediately as he closed the door, kneeling to be level with the boy who angrily sat on the bed. "The truth is, I love your mommy very much, and I-"

"But I don't want you to be with momma," the child immediately backfired, glaring at the man with his pink orbs.

_Ouch…_ Shizuo flinched as he felt his heart clench.

"Honestly, Psyche I love you very much too… and I want to be able to be with _both_ of you."

"I don't want you to be my daddy any more though!" the child countered, pouting angrily. "Why do you love us anyway?"

_Fucking kid's too smart, just like his mum_, Shizuo thought, irritated it was taking a lot more effort to talk to the kid than he thought. It seemed as though Izaya didn't bother telling the child he was the biological father.

"I loved your mommy for a very long time!" Shizuo found himself confessing, even if it was towards the wrong person, and even if he was 14 years younger than the man. "I just… kept denying-"

"What's dening?" the child questioned, momentarily forgetting his anger.

"I uh… kept… saying _no_, I don't like Izaya, because well…" _I can't tell the kid I thought I was gay with his mom!_ Shizuo shouted in his mind. "I didn't want to love your mommy, but now I do, so Psyche-"

"Mister, what's your point?" the kid deadpanned, though he was much too adorable to be taken seriously.

"You are _not _to talk to your father like that, understand?" Shizuo growled, temporarily losing control of his words as they let slip. Psyche's mouth dropped as his eyes watered, watching the man who had just claimed to be his father. Gaze immediately softening, Shizuo took the child into his arms, feeling guilt claw at his figure as he cursed himself in his head. "Psyche, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to get angry at you," Shizuo apologized, hugging the tiny figure in his arms. _I didn't want to tell you this way either…_ Gripping the white button up Shizuo wore under the coat he had shed off earlier, Psyche sniffed and rubbed his face in the broad shoulders before him.

"I want to love you too daddy," Psyche cried into the man's shoulder, his cries going straight to the guilty heart of his father. "But please don't make momma angry anymore… momma and I were so lonely…" Tears glistened in Shizuo's eyes, but he steeled his gaze over with determination as he cuddled the child and nodded. After the sobs had died down, Psyche rubbed his eyes and pulled away, sniffling as he stood on the floor now. Smiling, Shizuo awkwardly kissed the forehead of the younger child and pulled out a plastic bag he was hiding in his coat on the floor beside him. Eyes lighting up, Psyche grinned as he was presented with a soft, white rabbit plush toy with pink features, and an elephant bowl.

"Could you go ask your mommy to come in for me? And go ask your Aunty Celty to make you something yummy in Yugi-kun's bowl, okay?" Shizuo asked, ruffling Psyche's hair. Grinning, simply because the older man remembered the name of his elephant plush at home, Psyche nodded and threw his arms around Shizuo, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheeks.

"Thank you daddy!" he squealed before running out of the room. Feeling his heart warm up, Shizuo smiled and welcomed the unfamiliar fuzzy feeling that spread throughout his fingertips. But the feeling soon went away as he frowned and his heart began to jump out of his cage. Footsteps stormed their way to the bedroom and Shizuo quickly prepared himself for the wrath that was about to come.

"Okay, _what the hell_ do you think you're _doing_ you- oof!" the angry chatter cut off as she was embraced almost painfully by the tall man before her. She could feel his frame shake as he held her, his hands fumbling and tumbling as he sought her own fingers. Eyes widening, the hands found her right hand and slipped a small, cold band onto the ring finger as the air left her lungs. Glancing down over the arm that caged her, she glimpsed the glint of a diamond on a bed of silver, and her heart suddenly refused to beat anymore.

"Please, Izaya… give me a chance."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Pheww! Now that we've got that aside, I think I can type a lot of Shizaya+Psyche moments now :D

Hopefully.

Unless the plot bunny decides to screw with my head and make a new plan.  
>Hope you enjoyed this story! even though it seems as though not many people like a fem!Izaya huh... ^^;<p>

Review or Criticisms are appreciated!


	6. One mile huh?

If he had to retell you the very moment that had crushed his heart 2 days ago, he would not have physically been able to tell you.

"_I'm sorry._"

If you had asked him to tell you what happened 46 hours 1 minute and 37 seconds ago, he would have tightened his lips, straightened his stance and either:

a) Punched you across the city until you were in Osaka or

b) Quite possibly break down into a mess and cry into your shoulders like a mother who had lost her son to the horrors of war.

Quite frankly, Shizuo did neither, and nor would his pride have allowed himself to, but then again, no one had bothered asking what had happened 46 hours 1 minute and 54 seconds ago.

But to him, time had barely passed, and he couldn't discern which day it was today, simply because he couldn't find himself to care. The only thing he cared about at the moment, however, was the fact that the memory was still fresh in his head, and he could remember it oh so clearly, as if it had just happened an hour ago.

"_If you really want me to wear this," the reluctant voice said soothingly, grabbing Shizuo's hand and curling his fingers into a fist to hide away the diamond ring that now sat in his palm. "Then you have to _earn it_."_

Cursing, Shizuo fisted his hair in one hand as he sat on the swing that was much too low for him, causing his legs to bend at acute angles that made his knees become level with his stomach. Most of the kids had left the playground already, as several worried mothers glanced at the distressed man sitting on the child's equipment, and the students of the elementary school decided to skip their afternoon play to avoid the scary mister who currently exuded an aura of depressing gloom. 3:15 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, and the small child he was waiting for still wasn't in sight.

Lifting his head in confusion from his downcast position of doom and gloom on the swing he had seated himself on, he felt a new sense of nervousness grip him, as Psyche _still _didn't come out of class, and class ended at 3. Raising a brow, Shizuo looked around the empty school yard, and noticed a few parents here and there, leaving with their children whereas even teachers were leaving too.

"Excuse me," a timid voice interrupted his thoughts. Shizuo grunted and glared up at the woman who stood over him with a pink cardigan and a yellow dress that reached past her knees. Granted, he did not glare on purpose, that was just his 'I'm-a-father-and-I'm-really-worried/irritated/depressed-right-now' face. "Are you… looking for your child?" Sighing loudly, Shizuo stood to his full height, thoroughly intimidating the woman who only barely made it to his shoulders, before nodding. "Ah… okay, then. I'm Haneda Yumiko, a teacher here. Perhaps I could help you find your child?" the lady asked politely. Whipping out a photo of a laughing and beautiful woman with red eyes curved in laughter and black hair swaying in the wind, she had a pink tint to her cheeks as an aura of happiness surrounded her. In her arms, was an adorable child who was a spitting image of the mother, despite his eyes being a pinker hue, but he blushed happily as he laughed widely too, in the photo, his chubby arms reaching out for his mother's cheeks.

"I'm looking for that kid," Shizuo grunted, though he too, looked like he really liked that photo which was whipped from his wallet. It took a hell of a lot of effort to get a hold of it, he wasn't planning on losing this little precious thing anytime soon. Cooing over the picturesque beauty of the photo, the teacher nodded and beckoned for Shizuo to follow. Getting a little worried, Shizuo followed the teacher as they both made their way into the school, and called after the little boy.

"Psyche-kun? Ne, Psyche-kun, your father is looking for you!" the kind teacher called out, looking high and low in the hallways as she peeked into the classrooms.

"Psyche? Psyche, where are you?" Shizuo called, a hand cupped to his lips to increase the volume of his call. Hurrying their pace with each minute that went by, there was still no sight of the child, and Shizuo honestly didn't need any more stress added on top of a rejected proposal.

"_I…zaya… what-"_

"_Shizu-chan," the quiet voice cut off and Shizuo listened, his fist trembling from holding the ring tightly in his hand. Manicured, gentle hands closed around his shaking fist and the trembling instantly stopped at the same time the two shared eye contact. "I'm not ready."_

"_But Izaya-"_

"_You don't love me!" she quickly cut off, breathing heavily as Izaya stared with desperation in Shizuo's eyes. "You feel as if this is an obligation, because now that we have a kid, you _think_ we have to get married, you _think_ that we must love each other, but that's not how it works. You don't _have_ to love me, I don't _have_ to love you, you don't even have to love _Psyche!_" she continued desperately, trying to talk the man out of this madness that had started 4 years ago, one night in a drunken stupor that should have never happened._

_Because if it weren't for that night, then they wouldn't have had to live that short moment in their lives that sunk them _both_ in depression, for different reasons._

"_No, no, I love you-" Shizuo mumbled, trying to gain upper-ground, but Izaya just smirked sadly._

"_Would you have said that to me, 4 years ago, without Psyche by my side?"_

_And Shizuo had to stop._

_And think._

I loved you back then, I just didn't want to admit it. I thought you were a man, I thought I was gay, I would have never said any of this out loud, but now- _Shizuo screamed in his mind, staring desperately in Izaya's eyes and hoping, _praying_, that she could read his mind and see into his thoughts-_

_But she only smiled sadly at the lack of response and leaned her forehead onto Shizuo's shoulder. She hated being a woman again. Allowing her feminine side come through, mood swings and periods and rejecting the proposal from the man you love just sucks. Moments ago, she was more than happy to scream at the top of her lungs at the man in front of her, but then he had to pull that little stunt with the ring, and she felt all anger drain away as an ever-lasting sadness replaced it. She wrapped her arms around his frame while the poor man didn't understand, but wrapped his arms around her loosely anyway._

_Why was she sending mixed signals and signs? Why did she reject his proposal only to bring him closer into her arms? What was she thinking? What was she doing? This didn't make sense, nothing made sense Shizuo screamed in his mind as he held her close._

"_I'm sorry," Izaya murmured, before she attempted to unravel herself from the strong arms that only tightened their grip. "If you really want me to wear this," the reluctant voice said soothingly, grabbing Shizuo's hand and curling his fingers into a fist to hide away the diamond ring that now sat in his palm. "Then you have to _earn it_."_

_And that's when he heard it._

_The fire in her voice that made her who she was. That made her the same person she was 4 years ago before her disappearance. The smirk on her lips and the glint in her eye brought forth a challenge, an unspoken challenge that had Shizuo's eyes raise his attention from the dejected ring in his palm, and look the demon in the eyes. He found himself grinning back, a savage grin full of violent nature but calmed down considerably as he clenched the ring in his hand with determination._

_Challenge accepted._

_Of course, straight after their little private chat, it led to a dinner table conversation where reluctantly, Izaya had admitted there were some days where she would not have been able to pick up her poor baby from school. Jumping up at the invitation to pick up his son from school, Shizuo roared acceptance of the responsibility, only to blush and huddle into his own little world as a silence settled down, and roared into laughter from the occupants at the dinner table. Shinra joked with the embarrassed man as Izaya teased and teased and Celty typed that she would gladly pick the child up too sometimes._

_Dinner table chatter continued, but Shizuo was lost in a world of his own at the time, as he imagined picking up his own child from school, it seemed so unreal._

"…_Ikebukurodaisa… elementary school…" Izaya's voice was heard chatting, though those were the only words Shizuo's ears caught onto. _Ah! So he goes there! _Shizuo thought in triumph, still tuned out from the actual conversation. _Right. So then she said she was busy on Wednesday. I'll pick him up then. I'll ask Tom to give me an early day off on that day, and I'll go to his school and wait for him there, so we can both go home together, and I can spend time with him! _Shizuo looked extremely proud and happy at the moment, his chopsticks paused in his mouth, seeing as they have yet to pick up a morsel of food because of his distracting thoughts._

"_-right, Shizu-chan?" Izaya double checked, asking the dazed man. _

"_Huh? What?" _

"_You heard what school Psyche goes to, right? So you know where his school is?" Izaya asked expectantly, as Psyche cheered and yipped in his seat._

"_Yay! Daddy's picking me up on Wednesday!"_

_So much for that_, Shizuo thought worriedly as worry began to clench his entire being; just _thinking _about that dinner made him feel guilty. Feeling his vigor return, Shizuo tried calling out once again, louder.

"Psyche! Where are you? Dad-" and that's when he saw it. The colourful pieces of paper that spelled out the school's name in hiragana that hung above a chalkboard in a particular classroom, class 3-1 if Shizuo had bothered to look, but he didn't. Dread began to claw his body down as Shizuo continued staring at the pieces of paper in the classroom. _No… it can't be…_

"What's wrong, have you found your son?" the kind lady asked, before she was suddenly interrupted by Shizuo's growing curiosity that began to gnaw at his stomach and heart.

"Ne, Haneko-san…"

"It's Haneda…"

"My son, Psyche… he goes to Ikebukurodaisa elementary," Shizuo began quietly, voice low and husky. And he knew that when a person's hands flew to a mouth in shock, it usually never meant well. The woman gasped and covered her mouth as she stared at the father in horror. "Where are we?"

"Oh my… I'm very sorry, but your son doesn't go to this school!" the woman gasped.

"Then which fucking school is this?" Shizuo growled, patience running thin. Apologetic, the woman bowed down low.

"This isn't Ikebukurodaisa, I'm afraid. This is Ikebukurodai_ni_."*

And then he ran for it.

Hightailed it like he was running after Izaya, like in the good ol' days.

Except maybe faster.

Sprinting as fast as his legs would take him, Shizuo sped out of those gates and immediately rung Shinra's cell. The phone rang twice before Shinra picked up his cell.

"Hello~? Kishitani speaking!"

"SHINRA!" Shizuo roared into the phone, frightening many Ikebukuro citizens out of the way as he ducked left and right in his city. "Where is Ikebukurodaisa elementary?"

"What? Why would you need to know that!" Shinra asked, despite logging onto his laptop and pulling up a map search engine.

"Just check the fucking map!" Shizuo yelled. He heard the tapping of fingers against a keyboard, and Shizuo _willed_ it to type faster in his head as he ran.

"Ikebukurodaisa elementary, approximately a kilometer away from the station, and across Rikkyo university. Why, what's the urgency Shizuo?" Shinra desperately asked. Shizuo only shouted a quick 'thanks' before hanging up and running to the university. _I remember collecting a few debts near there_, Shizuo quickly calculated in his mind. _It shouldn't be too far._

Praying for his son to be safe from strangers with candy, kidnappers, murderers or _anything _of the sort, Shizuo sprinted past the station and took a quick turn right and into the winding streets of Toshima's Ikebukuro, where he searched for directions to the university. _Oh shit, I'm so sorry Psyche!_ Shizuo cursed in his mind as he ran. _I'm so sorry!_

Each second became painful, as each second merged into minutes, and the minutes merged into fear, until-

_There it is!_ Shizuo exclaimed in his head as he sprinted towards the elementary school.

_I'm almost there, Psyche! Wait for me-_

And the breath of relief that exhaled itself from Shizuo's lips had him gasping for air as he panted and leaned against the brick post that held the school gates, a golden plaque that read 'Ikebukurodaisa Elementary.' But his relief was short-lived as he stared at the empty barren playgrounds of the elementary school, no Psyche in sight. His heart clenched again and his mind repeated a mantra, '_no, no, no, no, no!'_ Panting, and leaning against the brick for support, he checked the name plaque once again for good measure, and then swept his eyes over the whole of the school which currently looked deserted.

_Neigh_.

At the sound of a horse whinnying, Shizuo knew Celty had arrived, but did nothing to acknowledge her presence as he stepped into the playground.

"Psy…che?" he called out tentatively. Hurried footsteps made their way towards him, but Shizuo shrugged off the hand that grasped his shoulder and called louder. "Psyche?"

Whipping the distraught man around, Celty quickly gazed at Shizuo with her helmet before typing a quick message on her mobile to shove in his face.

[What happened? Shinra told me to come here and find you.]

"I-I went to the wrong school, cause they have the same _fucking_ names and Psyche, I was told to pick up Psyche today, but-" Cutting him off with a raised hand that said 'stop', Shizuo blinked and let Celty continue another message on her phone.

[Shizuo. What are you doing here?] Celty asked, gripping his shoulder with one hand and flashing him a message with the other. Teeth bared, Shizuo growled.

"I'm here to pick up _Psyche_, did you just not hear me?" Flustered at her friend getting mad at her –he _never _got angry at Celty- Celty reworded her sentence.

[Shizuo, did you listen to us at dinner?]

"Of course I did, that's why I'm here-!"

[Shizuo. You misunderstood then. Shizuo, Psyche is 4-] Shizuo stopped reading and began to raise his temper at Celty.

"Celty, I _know_ my son is _four-_" grappling with the man, Celty shoved her phone further in Shizuo's face to get him to continue reading. Breathing through his nose to calm himself, Shizuo read the whole text.

[Shizuo. You misunderstood then. Shizuo, Psyche is 4, therefore he's only in KG-1. He isn't old enough to go to elementary school, he's still a kindergartener!]* Eyes widening, Shizuo felt his heart leap out of his chest. _Then where is he?_ Shizuo panicked in his mind before voicing out his thoughts. Celty renewed a new line of text and showed him. [He goes to pre-elementary school over in Shinjuku. Hop on and I'll take you there.] Grateful beyond belief, Shizuo murmured his thanks, thoroughly embarrassed that he fucked up his own chance at picking up his son from school simply because he had a panic attack and couldn't read to save his –or his son's- life.

After settling himself on the bike and gripping the edge of his seat for support, Shizuo allowed the horse to rear its fore wheel up in a whinny as it sped off, down to the streets and territory of Shinjuku.

_Of course he would go there_, Shizuo chided himself in his head. _Go to school closer to home, rather than to Ikebukuro, what the fuck was I thinking_, Shizuo berated again. Once he remembered what he actually was thinking about, – a certain proposal rejection- this only sunk him in a further depression, and his grip on the bike loosened in his frenzied state of mind.

Celty had little to no time to react as she felt the weight on the back of her bike suddenly grow lighter and she panicked as she reversed to keep the body on the vehicle by using gravity and hopefully the laws of motion. Her reaction time, however, was too slow as she realized with a sickening horror that her bike went _bump, bump_.

"Celty…" a voice groaned a few feet away from her as Celty revved to a stop. Apologetic and flustered, the shadows escaped from every pore of her being as she rushed over to help her friend get up. Lifting a hand to stop her, Shizuo shook his head and stood up wordlessly to get back onto the bike.

[Shizuo! I'm so sorry, so so sorry! I felt you felling off so I wanted to get you back on, I didn't mean to run over you!] Celty quickly typed as she followed behind the debt collecting bodyguard. However, his next words had Celty moved as Shizuo ignored any pain, no matter how major it was, because a motorbike was certainly a lot more pleasant than a truck.

"I don't matter at the moment, I'm fine anyway. I need to pick up my son."

And the two sped off again, though Celty was still extremely flustered and embarrassed.

Much to the relief of Shizuo, he had enough time to pick up his son from the childcare in Shinjuku seeing as they ended their activities at 4 o clock. So when he saw his son run out cheerfully with a wide smile on his face, Shizuo opened his arms and welcomed his son much more tighter than what would have been considered normal.

"Yay! Daddy's here to pick me up!" the little boy cheered as he snuggled as close as he could into the larger man's arms. Relief flooded through Shizuo's senses as he cuddled the boy tight and breathed in his scent deeply. _Thank god…_ Shizuo chanted in his mind as Psyche bounced out of a reluctant Shizuo's arms and hopped over to Aunty Celty. "Yay! And Aunty Celty too!" he chirped, jumping into the black headless rider's arms. Cooing silently, Celty nuzzled the boy with her helmet and typed a quick 'hello', and 'how was your day at school'. "Good! I learnt a lot of things today! And-! … why is daddy covered in wheel tracks…?"

Glancing down at his bartender uniform, Shizuo blinked at the skid marks that were clearly embedded on his sleeves and vest. Flustered once again, Celty was about to type out another apology with Psyche on one arm, but Shizuo held up a hand and took a willing Psyche back into his arms.

"It's fine, really Celty. Thanks a lot for today," Shizuo said genuinely as Celty stared. His face broke into a tired, but relieved smile, one that shone handsomely under the bright rays of the slowly setting sun, a handsome man that was fit to be called Hanejima Yuuhei's brother. "For now, let's just go home."

* * *

><p>Clicking the 'Dollars' forum window on her phone shut, manicured, slender hands slid a certain mobile phone closed as the sound of footsteps was heard. She chuckled to herself at the mention of a blur of black, blonde and white racing around town on the message boards, and then given a lift by the headless rider to a pre-school. Having left the door unlocked, Izaya glanced behind herself on the couch to greet the visitorsresidents with a cheeky smile, a certain blonde, a certain child, and a certain headless rider opening the front door.

Planning to have kept his whole afternoon escapade a whole secret between Celty, Shinra and himself, Shizuo wasn't going to reveal how much he had fucked up on the first day of trying to pick up his son which involved:

1. Misreading a school's name plaque and confusing his son's school for some other one

2. Running 1.7 kilometres to the _correct_ school to find out his son wasn't _there_

3. Finding out his son was actually too _young_ for elementary school, and Ikebukurodaisa elementary was simply an _option_ for his son to attend when _older_

And finally, successfully managing to get himself run over by a motorbike, which was a first in his abnormal life.

None-the-less, Shizuo was tight lipped as he smiled at Izaya cooing over her son and welcoming him back home. No, no, even as Celty had turned to leave after typing goodbye, even as Shizuo closed the door behind him to stay in Shinjuku for a few hours or so, even as he stepped into the living room, he had no intention of telling Izaya how he had fucked up as a father.

And yet-

"So… ran a mile to the other side of town to the wrong school, _hm?_" Izaya purred as she cuddled a confused Psyche on the sofa. "Ah, so how did picking Psyche up at school go, _hmm, daddy_?"

Well, fuck.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

*Ikebukurodaisa and Ikebukurodaini are actually REAL elementary schools in Japan, yes yes, this author has actually done her research and homework :) and yes, their locations and distances are actual accurate representations of where they are in Japan's suburban maps.

* In Japan, their elementary school kids start from grade 1, at the age of six. KG 1 and KG 2 are the first two years of pre school or kindergarten that a child spends, usually starting at the age of 4, but this part of early education is optional.

Phew! Okaayyy, sorry, I promised more Psyche fluffyness, but after typing this chapter, I realised I couldn't :( sorry! I really am! I thought it could squeeze in somewhere, but then one page turned into two, then three, then eight! and I had to stop ;A;

More twists and turns and fluff up ahead though! So review and criticise if you want more of Psyche! :D

Thank you for those who take the time to read my stories, and thank you to those who review too! All of you readers put smiles on my faces, thank you! I hope you all continue following this little fic of mine, even if I find it boring sometimes myself

*hearts*


	7. Surprise

A poorly hidden giggle.

A chuckle.

A poor quality cam recorder set on 'film' mode as it shook precariously in its spot before finally settling down again.

"Daddy is it ready?" a giggle sounded in a background of tall couches and coffee tables, seeming to be filmed from the floor.

"Ready!" a husky voice whispered back enthusiastically.

And then the show began.

Orihara Izaya chose to stand in her doorway, muffling her laughter with both her hands as she dropped the groceries beside her feet and heard a voice that was most certainly 3 octaves too _high_ for Heiwajima Shizuo.

"Oh no! Psyche-zilla is coming!" a shrill, husky voice called out from behind the couch out of the view of the camera as a smashing and stomping 4 year old entered the film and began smashing down the building block city that resided ever so peacefully.

"Rawr! I'm Psyche-zilla and I'm going to eat your _brains_! Rawr!" the terrifying four year old snarled cutely as he raised his arms and stomped through the wooden blocks that took almost half an hour for the father-son duo to create.

"Oh no! We're all going to die, what should we do!" the shrill voice sounded from the couch as Shizuo raised his head just enough to poke his eyes over the luxurious chair. Immediately, Psyche paused in the middle of his crumbled wooden block city and raised his nose in the air, arms by his side.

"Daddy I smell food."

"What?" Shizuo stood up fully, temporarily hiding his torso upwards from the view of the camera before lurching forward to shut the device off and stop recording.

"Food. And medicine. I smell lots of- MOMMA!" the young boy squealed as laughter burst forth from plump, mirthful lips. Izaya twirled her son and cuddled him close as she cooed at how adorable her little Psyche-zilla was.

But Shizuo furrowed his brows and stared at Izaya strangely as she continued talking to her son while setting the grocery bags on the dining table.

"Yeah! Daddy and I got to watch Uncle Kasuka's movies! One day, I'm gonna be famous like him! Right momma?"

"Yes that's right! You're going to be so famous, you'll-"

"Flea, what the hell happened to your voice?" Shizuo cut in with a confused lilt of his eyebrows and a frown that tugged at his lips. Sighing loudly, Izaya pecked Psyche on the forehead and let him 'airplane' fly away as she settled a fist on her hips.

"Well hi to you too honey," she bit out sarcastically before setting the groceries in the fridge. Leaning closer to the slim figure, Shizuo sniffed at the woman as she bent down and started putting the vegetables away in the refrigerator. Rolling her eyes, she stood up and shut the door, glaring up at the quizzical blonde. "I came back from Shinra's."

"Shinra's…? What the hell were you doing there?" Shizuo grumbled, wrinkling his nose at the smell of medicinal chemicals and such.

"Well if I'm going to stay a woman, then I might as well change back, shouldn't I?" Izaya said exasperatedly before assorting the foods in her fridge accordingly. Though she could still feel his presence next to her, he didn't say a word and it was starting to actually unnerve her. Raising a brow she straightened herself, closed the fridge and stared right back at the tall brute of a man that looked like he was glaring, but she knew it to be his thinking face. "And how may I help you, mister grumpy pants?" Izaya questioned with a finely trimmed eyebrow while Psyche giggled at the silly nickname, now curling his little fists around her leg.

"Keep talking." This time, both her eyebrows rose in surprise as she stared at him in wonder.

"Now that's a first! Usually you want me to _shut up_ but for you to give me the a-okay in talking? Well no worries then, did you know, that the very first time somebody had discovered the radiation of a power plant can heat food was when-"

"Okay, that's enough," Shizuo grumbled, covering her mouth with his hand before scooping Psyche up with one arm into the crook of his shoulder. Psyche cuddled closer to his father and smiled happily in content as he felt _complete_ for the first time in a _long_ time. Izaya was about to voice her complaints at how chummy the man was getting with _her_ son, but the sudden movement of the blonde leaning downwards had her alarmed.

"What are you-!"

Covering his mouth with her hands, she panicked as a splay of red spread across her face to the very base of her neck. The man in question raised a brow while the younger version of her covered his giggle with his chubby baby hands. Izaya spluttered as she kept her hands in place, unaware of the larger hand coming around the side and nearing her skin-

Her arms went lax as she watched the honey-brown eyes of her ex-enemy soften into concern and a warm hand caressed her neck where a bandage was currently sported, well hidden under her v-neck skivvy, but not hidden well enough to escape the man's sharp eyes.

"Are you okay?" the low voice asked quietly as Izaya, dazed, hesitated for a moment before nodding and brushing away his hand as though it was nothing but a fly.

"Of course I am, I'm Orihara Izaya. What do you think-"

"Talk to me about these things next time…" the quiet voice spoke. Eyes widening, Izaya stared at the taller male's face, and just couldn't take her eyes off of him.

Carmine, blood eyes took in the handsome features of the man she fell in love with years ago as his eyebrows furrowed to match the concern etched into his face, brushed blonde bangs falling around his eyes almost artistically as if the man himself was a masterpiece.

"…What?" she asked, snapping out of her reverie. Irritation appeared in the form of a twitch in her brow as she realized his words.

"That surgery could have been dangerous you know. I trust Shinra and all, but this thing is really big-"

Laughter that was slightly higher than her voice the night before bubbled from her sore throat as she clutched her head and wrapped an arm around her stomach, laughing and laughing and then-

"Shizu-chan, you're _dreaming_."

Pausing, the concern on his face faltered and Izaya ignored the pleading, shining eyes of her son as she continued.

"Me? Talk to _you?_ Just because you've told _my_ son that you're the father, all of a sudden you're welcome into this family?" her words stung. "My, if I didn't know better, I would've thought you _cared_. Now stop playing mummy and daddy and face reality Shizu-chan, you're not going to win me over." Fierce eyes glared at her taller counterpart as she stood her stance and raised the defenses of her personal brick wall. Her wall of solitary privacy that refused to budge for _anyone_, and refused to melt for _anybody_, _especially_ Shizu-chan.

It reminded her of the quote she read once as she browsed through the internet.

**Some people build walls, not to keep others out-**

"Well I can sure as hell try," the soft, curt answer replied.

And as her eyes widened, her lips parted, her fists loosened and her heart skipped-

**But to see who cares enough to tear it down.**

Closing her eyes in a temporary defeat, a bittersweet smile twisted her face as she tilted her head down. She felt a tugging at her woolen dress and looked down to see a thumb-sucking Psyche look up at her worriedly.

"Momma okay…?"

Izaya smiled as she bent down to kiss the child on the cheek and ran her fingers through his silky baby locks.

"Momma was just surprised is all."

And as she glanced up at the tall monster, she had to quickly break off the eye contact they shared as she blushed furiously at the bright smile and shine in his golden eyes.

_Shizu-chan, you big idiot…_

* * *

><p>"Woahh! Octopus-san is coming! Oh no! Steer the wheel this way captain!" an authoritarian sounding voice commanded as the steering wheel on the playground platform was abused past its use and spun to the right. Magenta eyes were narrowed in concentration as baby lips spewed ocean noises and the sounds of a ship creaking as it struggled against the imaginary octopus foe. "Oh no, jump off the ship! Octopus-san has too many legs!" the child shouted before turning to the slide and initiating his escape route. However…<p>

"Roarrr!" a blonde haired monster threatened as he spread his arms and awaited his prey at the bottom of the slide. Grappling with the slide, Psyche's bottom lip jutted out and curled upwards as he frowned at the unexpected barrier. With arms and legs spread like a starfish, he was currently positioned approximately halfway down the slide as the long, snapping arms of the blonde-haired monster waited for his meal at the bottom.

"Oopsie… What should I do? I never antithipation this to happen!" Psyche shouted as he attempted to copy his mother's large vocabulary. Chuckling from where she stood, Izaya leaned against the trunk of the tree with her arms crossed under the shade, smiling at her son who laughed so happily with the man he had technically just met.

"Monster today is feeling rather _hungry_! Nom nom nom- URGHH!" Her eyes widened a fraction as she couldn't hold in the laughter that burst forth from her lips and she fell to her knees, clutching her stomach as she watched her dear Shizu-chan clutch his face.

Frantic and panicked in the sudden dilemma, Psyche slid down after propelling himself slightly and gained enough momentum to jump and step onto his father's face and bound away. Holding his hands to his face, Shizuo groaned at the sudden kick to the face and blamed his woman counterpart for passing the genetics down in the family.

"And Captain Psyche has _succeeded!_ Weeee!" the child cheered as he jumped up and down in the air. Slightly worried about the silence that followed his cheer, Psyche turned towards Shizuo and saw the man was still cradling his face. "…Daddy…?" Psyche called out. The man didn't move from his crouched position on the ground. "Daddy….? Was Captain Psyche too fat? Momma said you were really strong, so Captain Psyche thought…" the child trailed off. Pouting, the boy's lips parted and his eyes began to shine and water as he walked towards the huddled figure. "Daddy-?"

"Psyche run!" he heard his mother shout, but it was too late as Daddy Monster emerged from his position and scooped Captain Psyche up and lifted his shirt and began eating him.

Which really was just Shizuo recovering from the foot-to-the-face attack and then getting payback by blowing raspberries into the child's stomach, but Captain Psyche didn't need to know that.

"NOOOO! DON'T EAT ME!" the child screamed as giggles and laughter drifted in between his screams. Izaya smiled fondly at the sight whereas other parents too, pointed and smiled at the cute display between son and father, unaware that under those blonde locks and behind those inky bangs were just Heiwajima Shizuo and a miniature Orihara Izaya.

"It's too late! Monster-san has caught you and will now have you for lunch! YUM YUM!"

"KYAAAA! MOMMA HELP ME!" Psyche screamed as he kicked and laughed and struggled and cried. Izaya only smiled cheekily at her son as she shook her head. Her son looked absolutely crestfallen as his screams stopped momentarily, only to start up again when the raspberries grew louder.

"Oh no, mommy can't help you now," Shizuo started as Izaya began to feel uneasy at the glint in his eyes. "Because," he started off quietly before immediately raising Psyche above his head as a food sacrifice and sprinting towards the unsuspecting woman. "MOMMY IS FOR DINNERRRR!"

"HOLY SHI- SHIVERS! SHIZUO, NO-"

"ROAR!"

"WEEEE!"

"SHIZUOHHHH!"

Laughter and screams filled the air as Psyche and Izaya were both mercilessly attacked and Shizuo began to playfully mouth at Izaya's stomach through her clothes as though he was eating her.

However, the unexpected tackle which led to quite a forceful fall had made Shizuo land a little more forward than he had anticipated, and silence fell upon the two as Shizuo realized that what he had just 'eaten' was a _little_ too soft to be her stomach…

_Did I just…_ Shizuo thought to himself as he stayed there, paralysed and unable to breathe as he just realized what he had just done. One look at Izaya's smirk and playful eyes told him he was correct, and that he had just done what he thought he did.

"Shizu-chan… I think you just skipped to dessert," the surgically altered voice teased sneakily as Psyche wrinkled his nose in distaste.

"Even I stopped drinking booby milk a long time ago daddy…"

Shizuo, mortified at what he had just done, was too shocked to move or even remember to breathe as he paled and began to splutter attempted apologies.

"Oh shit, I'm so- I didn't mean to, it just, I just-!" he spluttered as he backed away. Psyche tilted his head in wonder as he started in confusion whereas Izaya held a predatory glint in her eye and began to crawl towards the furiously blushing man.

"It's okay Shizuo, you've done it before when we had to make Psyche-"

"IZAYA!"

"Teehee are we catching daddy now?"

"Here, I'll even let you do it again, you hungry Shizu-chan?"

"LALALA NOT LISTENING!" the man screamed with his hands over his ears as he began to run away. Scooping Psyche under one arm, the chase began, and Izaya _loved_ this feeling of superb domination as she chased after the squirmy male with a giggling toddler under her arms.

"Shizu, come on honey don't you want dessert?"

"IZAYA STOP!"

"Daddy's a baaaaaby, daddy still drinks boo-"

"PSYCHE! NOT YOU TOO!"

"Come here baby!"

"STOOPPP!"

* * *

><p>Silence reigned over the three as Psyche happily licked at his rainbow ice cream cone in between his parents, holding onto his mother's hand while avoiding the cracks in the ground. Izaya was content to lick at her green tea dessert whereas Shizuo awkwardly ate at the remains of his wafer cone that used to be a toffee caramel, keeping his eyes focused on the ground in front of them as they walked.<p>

"So… was that as nice as my-" Izaya began to tease as Shizuo snapped at her quickly to shut up with a blush on his face.

"Hey Izaya," Shizuo said in all seriousness as he paused in his stance and swallowed loudly in nervousness. Izaya raised a brow but stopped in her tracks to listen. Psyche paused in between his parents and glanced up at his father, licking his rainbow cone in content. However, at the pure look of concentration on his father's face, he attempted to imitate it, scowling as low as his lips would frown and furrowing his brows as wrinkly as they could get.

"Can… can I take you out on a date some time?"

And that's when her lips had parted, she had stopped breathing, her eyes had widened and her heart did flips as the ice cream in her hand had dropped onto an unsuspecting 4 year old who shouted at the impact and then began to cry.

_The things you do to me Shizu-chan…_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I know.

And I am so sorry. LOL

WAHHHH FORGIVE MEEE FOR BEING SO SLOWWW

and this chapter wasn't really any good either! so sorry for the slow updating, it's final year of high school so the exams came in like CRAZYY and then after exams I just wasn't bothered to write, because I just wasn't feeling that mojo.

BUT HERE IT IS, FINALLY

A SHITTY CHAPTER :D

so sorry but I hope you guys kind of sort of enjoyed anyway,

Reviews and Criticisms appreciated!

P.S If you read Inspire Me, then I have an apology present for you there ;9

if you don't then I'm sorry you'll have to wait till the next installment of YMLC


	8. Let me in Don't let me go

"And is that all for your order?"

The dark haired woman who settled in her plush seat waved the café waitress away with an affirmative as she smiled wickedly to herself and glanced outside of the luxurious, glass wall to the streets of Ikebukuro below. Humans bustled back and forth in the wrath of the beginnings of winter as snow gently danced its way past Orihara Izaya's seat by the window, and down to the Ikebukuro-nians who hurried their way around the city. The fountain itself was slow in its movement, chugging past the frozen particles of water and spurting out of frozen taps as it glorified the centre of Ikebukuro park.

Watching from above, Izaya was happy to watch her lovely humans down below, bustling in her city as she watched comfortably from her plush red chair in the nicely heated café. Eyes closing in a grin and smirk widening, she laced her fingers together and sat contently, preparing herself for a nice long encounter with Shizu-chan.

"_Can… can I take you out on a date some time?"_

Tilting her head back abruptly in a harsh laugh, Izaya allowed the amusement that flowed through her veins to ignore the strange stares she received from around her. She continued for a moment longer or so, before her laughs died into giggles and then stopped altogether as she sunk lower into her chair and partially covered her face through her fingers, denying anyone who would have accused her of her face turning red.

"Ah, Shizu-chan… you are an enigma within yourself. Simply amazing, bravo…" the woman begrudgingly admitted.

Granted, the woman was an hour early for their little assigned 'date', but the woman detested tardiness, and instead loved the element of surprise that betrayed nearly _every_ human's face when they would see the Orihara earlier than appointed. Izaya began to hum and twiddle her fingers in restless boredom before straightening up to receive her cup of coffee from the waiter, and then happily sipping at the heavenly substance before glancing down below again.

"Oh Shizu-chan… the things you- ah?" she paused in her sentence in shock as she spotted the golden, unruly locks of her monster in his nicely dressed suit and navy scarf.

Lo and behold, the monster of Ikebukuro himself had come an hour early also.

Laughing, she grinned to herself and comfortably settled down again in her chair.

_Let the fun and games begin ne, Shizu-chan?_

* * *

><p>Sneezing, Shizuo wrinkled his nose and quickly ran a finger under it, just in case he had to capture any essence of sniveling snot that had to be rid of. Finding none, Shizuo began to fidget with his black gloves and glanced around the park that he had assigned as a meeting place for both he and Izaya to meet.<p>

_Dazed out of his day dream on the couch, Shizuo jumped at the touch of a cold can of beer pressed against his face as he jolted and faced the perpetrator standing behind him._

"_It's rude to ignore a woman you know," Izaya reprimanded in her slightly higher voice. Given that the woman's voice was airy in the first place as a male, the change was miniature, and Shizuo was just relieved to see that all went well and she was unharmed._

"_Sorry. What were you saying Flea?" Shizuo asked again as he stroked the hair of the sleeping figure in his lap. Quiet, gentle snores trailed its way out of the 4 year old's mouth as Psyche curled into the warm, safe figure of his father._

"_Why do I even bother," Izaya pouted, crossing her arms and glaring in another wayward direction. Before she knew it, she was shoving her hands in front of the face with pursed lips that was inches away from her own face. Panicked, she saw that the son was moved to rest on top of a rather large cushion and then averted her attention back to the blonde who still pursed his lips, watching her with deadpan eyes. "What the hell are you doing you freak?" she screeched in a low volume._

"_Gonna kiss you," the blonde replied, as though it was normal. He had, after all, gone in and out of a relationship, so he thought that action was plausible._

_Laughable._

_Absolutely laughable._

_Izaya's hysteria started off as an awkward, nervous chuckle, pronouncing each syllable of ha clearly, until it escalated into a nervous breakdown type of laughter that had Shizuo panicking now._

"_Amazing! You really think you can just do anything now, don't you? Amazing how stupidly your protozoan brain thinks! Superb! Astounding! REMARKABLE-"_

"_Shut up!" Shizuo growled menacingly, blocking her ramble with one of his larger hands. Glare intensifying, Izaya ripped her mouth away from his hand and gave him a piece of her complex mind._

"_No, _you_ shut up! I'm sick of it! You're fucking with me, how could you possibly think that you can just do anything you want like we're a married couple? Just because we fucked and I had an accident-"_

"_-OI!"_

"_-does _not_ mean that you can suddenly go all lovey dovey and I will just fall into your fucking arms!" Shizuo stared at her with his deadpan expression before sighing and giving up, lifting the ball of a son into his arms and getting ready to tuck the 4 year old into bed. "I'm not finished with you yet!" Izaya pouted yet again, fuming in her spot._

_And _AGAIN_ she was forced to stop those smooth, pursed lips from trying to seek out her own as she blocked him with both her hands. Disbelief and rage painted itself cutely on her androgynous features as she looked for words to say in her dumbfounded state._

"_Incredible! Unbelievable! Again! You think you can kiss me!" she began to shout. And as her rage metre rose and her defenses were lowered, Shizuo enclosed the gap between them until they were breathing the same space of air, and he mesmerized her with his honey brown eyes. Lips so close, Izaya could seal the gap with the slight tilt upwards of her face, but resisted in doing so._

"_If you don't want me to kiss you, stop fucking pouting," the man said coolly before walking up the stairs with his son in his arms. The footsteps faded and her legs turned to jelly as she wobbled and began to fall to the tiles of her kitchen floor, where the fight had progressed a few metres away from the couch. With her knees tucked to her chest, she held her head in her hands and attempted to cool her head against the cupboard behind her. Her grip only tightened as she heard his voice echo from the top of the stairs._

"_Oh yeah. Tomorrow, 12 pm at the fountain in Ikebukuro's West Park."_

_Biting her lips, she fought to fight down the rush of blood that swelled towards her face and ears, cursing the blonde in her head fiercely._

"_See you, Flea."_

Shizuo impatiently glanced at his wristwatch and sighed, chiding himself for arriving an hour early. Damn Shinra for wanting to babysit Psyche before 12, what the hell was that. He had to drop the kid off and then found no point in returning home anyway. The snow gracefully drifted its way down towards earth, settling itself in clumps of white ground around him. The air he breathed fogged in reminisce of tobacco sticks that rested in his breast pocket, but were rarely pulled out for use. Glancing once again at his wristwatch restlessly, Shizuo furrowed his brows and shrugged, pulling out a stick and lighting it.

_I have time to kill_.

But as an hour passed, and the clock struck 12, neither had moved from their spots.

* * *

><p>Glaring warily out the glass window, irritation began to grind at Izaya's nerves. Drinking her 3rd cup of coffee, she watched the unmoving blonde from above, him in the freezing cold and her in the comforting warmth.<p>

An hour and a half had passed 12, and the damn blonde hadn't moved.

Clucking her teeth, irritated, Izaya narrowed her gaze and then relaxed.

"Calm down Orihara, he will leave soon. Don't fret," she assured herself, texting Shinra to check up on her child from time to time.

Another half hour had passed, and she had progressed to playing games on her phone.

Another 45 minutes later, she had gone through 2 dark chocolate cakes and 17 games of tetris, and her patience was running thin.

Glancing back down at the fountain, she almost sighed in relief when she saw the blonde was not there, but swore out loud when she saw he returned from walking around the park to presumably look for her.

"Give _up_ you _stupid _man!" she hissed, sinking low in her seat as she watched him redial her phone, who had blocked his contact and instead rung _forever_ instead of rejecting his call.

She watched him raise his phone to his ear and bring it down dejectedly 57 times for the past three hours. She did not even want to think about what would happen if she unblocked his contact and the missed calls began to catch up to her.

Another 2 hours had passed, and by now, Izaya had mellowed, feeling rather anxious as she watched the blonde visibly shiver from the cold, especially now that the sun had already set. Glaring, she harrumphed and crossed her arms tightly, receiving odd stares from the workers who had seen her there for the past 6 hours, only standing from her seat in times of a restroom break. Looking down at the fortissimo of Ikebukuro, she sighed through her nose and frowned, as she began to think.

_Why would you wait this long for me… Shizuo_?

"_4 years is a long time, Izaya_."

She groaned in frustration and pulled at her hair as his voice echoed in her head.

He wasn't supposed to _change_.

He wasn't supposed to _care_!

_But he did change_, a pained voice echoed in Izaya's mind as she held back the tears that were beginning to prickle at her eyes. _And he _does_ care…_

_The human mind is such a fickle thing_, Izaya thought tiredly as she prodded at her 5th cake that day. _Claiming you love me after finding out you have a son, what a joke. You just feel like you're taking responsibility is all, you big brute of an idiot_, she chastised. Softening her gaze and glancing down at the blonde who now resorted to rubbing his gloves together and blowing hot breath into them to keep warm. _And yet… look at you… _

_Are you really Heiwajima Shizuo? _

_4 years couldn't have been that long… could it?_

And somewhere, deep inside of herself, she knew it was.

But regardless, it was a shock to her how much you could change in that period of time.

Driving her attention towards the outside again another hour later, she glared at him one last time before finally standing from her spot and leaving the café with a chime of the bell.

* * *

><p>Crimson brown eyes scanning the horizon, she searched for the fountain where the blonde sat at, and found she was at the opposite end of the park. Rolling her eyes, Izaya wrapped her coat tighter around her frame and huffed into her scarf, trudging towards the fountain and enjoying the scenery. However, as the voices in her head spoke and the images of Shizuo plagued her, she found it hard to continue her pace, and her legs slowed as her intention wavered.<p>

_What am I doing?_ The woman chastised in her head. _Going to Shizu-chan is like accepting his date._

_What the hell am I doing?_

_[Izaya, please just give Shizuo a chance, he's not a bad person!]_

"_Give him a _chance_!"_

Izaya shook her head to rid the voice of Shinra and the words of Celty from her mind as she stood rooted to her spot, metres away from the fountain where the blonde man sat, on the other side of her and across jets of spouting water.

Her heart thudded in her ribcage as her breath quickened and the snow began to thicken in its white haze of icy beauty.

Years ago, she made a choice.

To raise the child growing in her womb, and bring him up to be a beautiful child that belonged to her and a piece of the man she could never have.

She made the decision to leave who she was, and start anew, all to make space for the little boy that now played at Shinra's apartment.

She made that decision, but Shizuo was not included in the terms and conditions.

She hadn't anticipated this.

She never anticipated to meet the blonde again in her womanly form, she had never thought so far as to what she would do, had she met the man. This was one of her little flaws in her plan of starting anew, as she barricaded any thought of Shizuo from herself and refused to acknowledge him in her life again.

But her direction became lost, she twisted and turned and she had found him again, her walls crumbling, crumbling-

Boots crunching in the snow, determination shone in her eyes as she made her way around the fountain and towards the blonde who waited for the past 6 hours, and that itself had earned the man some brownie points. Striding towards the blonde, her heart thundered in its place, her steps became shaky and her hands trembled from the cold and her tight grip on her palms-

But in that moment, as she reached the spot that bore an empty patch of grey where the blonde fortissimo of Ikebukuro sat in the snow, her heart dropped to her stomach, her breath caught in her lungs and the tears began to crawl its way to her eyes.

The man had waited too long for a woman who wanted no room left for him in her heart.

* * *

><p>She only found it fair to wait for the blonde for the same amount of time that he waited for her, as she shivered in the snow and clung to her body frame tighter. She shook some of the snow off of her coat, and watched the snow thicken around her feet and freeze the fountain slowly as the park clock had struck 10 at night, and she couldn't handle waiting anymore. Numb past the point of feeling, Izaya stood from her spot, and mindlessly wandered towards Shinra's apartment, with every intention to walk there instead of taking a taxi for the next 27 blocks she had to walk.<p>

Shocked beyond belief, Shinra's mouth fell open at the sight of her, and Izaya forced her lips to pull up in a smile. The awkward tensing of Celty's shoulders and the way her smoke curdled told Izaya that Celty grimaced at her forced smile. Shrugging, Izaya came in, shaking and stumbling and _so very cold_, tripping over her own boots as she peeled them off and spread wet footprints from her stockings onto Shinra's timbered floor.

"Izaya-" Shinra called out, closing the door and following after the woman.

"Psyche!" the woman's voice croaked as she immediately strode through the halls of the apartment as though she was fine. "Psyche, time to go home, Mommy's here!" she called, peeking into one of the rooms that Psyche had loved playing in. Glancing behind her shoulder at the touch of someone's grip on her shoulder, she turned to face a wisp of smoke as Celty offered her phone for Izaya to read.

[Izaya… Shizuo had gone home a long time ago with Psyche…]

Izaya swallowed hard, and once again, felt that heavy rock of despair fall into the depths of her stomach as the light left her eyes. [Izaya, what happened? Stay here for the night if you have to, but please shower here at least or something! You're freezing! I'm worried about you.]

_I'm worried about you._

_Worried._

_I'm._

_You._

_**Worried.**_

Hiccuping, Izaya's lips curved into a smile before she totally folded in on herself and crumpled to the floor, her tears finally cascading down her frozen cheeks as she began to wail.

"_What the fuck is wrong with me?"_ Izaya screamed into her hands, muffling her screams as Shinra began to panic and Celty rushed forwards to help her.

But as soon as either one of the two, Izaya didn't care who, had touched her, she slapped their hands away and curled her knees towards her chest and buried her head away from the world.

_What the fuck is happening._

_I don't know what's happening, I'm losing control-_

_What's wrong, what's wrong, what's-_

_What's wrong with me?_

* * *

><p>Creaking, the door swung open slowly as a lifeless Izaya made her way inside the dark home, a trembling finger moving to flick the light switch on.<p>

And she suddenly wished she hadn't.

The light flooded the room and Shizuo jumped from his place on the couch and stared that the home intruder, relaxing once he saw it was Izaya.

Izaya.

_Izaya!_

"Izaya, what happened today?" Shizuo asked worriedly, making his way towards the shaking woman. Eyes widening and heart pulsing, Izaya stepped away from the advancing man and shook her head. "Are you alright? What happened? Why didn't you show up? I waited for you, and called you, but you wouldn't pick up and-"

The moment his hand gripped her wrist, she punched him, her habits from being a male for the past few years slithering in. She should have anticipated that she would be cradling her hand however, as Shizuo blinked at the contact of her fist to his cheek.

"Fucking hell," she hissed, glaring at the ground as the tears began to seep its way through again. Careful not to touch her this time, Shizuo stood awkwardly and attempted to put all his questions that raced through his mind into a few words.

"Where… were you?" he asked quietly. Freezing at the question asked, Izaya's shoulders tensed and her hands stopped cradling the injured fist. After moments of silence that stabbed at Shizuo, he opened his mouth once again to ask her why the _fuck_ she had him wait 6 hours in the freezing snow until-

"Hah. Went around, fucked some customers for information, sold my body to some sleazy old men, the usual," Izaya scoffed, flicking her hair over her shoulder and glancing up at the blonde as though she were bored. "I just don't have time to be playing with protozoan monsters like you anymore Shizu, sorry." She pushed past his tall figure and made her way towards the refrigerator where she opened it a crack before it was slammed closed by the fist above her.

"Izaya… talk to me."

Sighing, annoyed, Izaya turned and glared up at the taller male, grinding her teeth.

"Thanks for looking after _my_ son, but I really don't need you anymore, and I figured that us? Isn't gonna work out. Bye bye-"

"Cut the crap Izaya!" Shizuo hissed, hiding his golden eyes under his blonde fringe. Lips pursing tightly, Izaya hadn't expected this.

Why didn't he just leave?

More so, why didn't she just let him do this?

Let him worm his way into her life, let him love her like she had fantasized everytime she was lonely.

Let him love her, care for her, hug her, kiss her, hold her-

"Izaya, why are you doing this?" Shizuo asked one last time, before raising his water-glazed eyes from out of their hiding place, and staring earnestly into Izaya's averting eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but if you would so kindly-"

"Izaya!-"

"_Stop it!_" she screamed before finally letting the tears break out from her strong, I-don't-care façade.

She was sick of the routine now.

Pretending as though she didn't care, pretending she didn't want, didn't _need_ this stupid man's love.

But she did.

She did, she did, she wanted it, she wanted him, she wanted it _all_.

"Stop fucking waiting for me!" she cried before slapping away his calloused hands as they attempted to console her. "I watched you wait for me, for six _fucking_ hours, and the moment I decide to ignore my stupid mind and go to you, you were _gone_," she sobbed, biting her lips and covering the lower half of her face, staring at the broad chest in front of her rather than the eyes of its owner. "Four years, I've hidden away from you, and the moment you see our kid, you love me. I just-"

Arms coming around to wrap themselves around her thin frame, Shizuo stared ahead of his line of sight, tightening the embrace when the woman began to struggle.

"I just hate you, so fucking much, but I love you to the point I can't stop thinking about you!" she sobbed, her struggles continuing as she feebly tried to break free. "I try so hard to avoid you, I never wanted to tell you that you were Psyche's father, I made you wait in the freezing cold and I _watched_ you-

But I love you so fucking much."

"Then why are you running away?" Shizuo harshly bit out, tightening his hold further when her feeble bashing stopped. "Why are you running away from me…?" Shizuo trailed off, arms unraveling so that his hands sought for her skinny upper arms and gripped them firmly. Searching for her own eyes that was hidden by her raven bangs, Shizuo stared down at her, holding her firmly so that she wouldn't escape again.

Wouldn't run away again.

"Izaya, look at me," Shizuo commanded softly. She shook her head ferociously, keeping her head down and her hands clenched at the hem of her long sweater. "Izaya, look at me," Shizuo tried again, only receiving the same response as before. "Izaya!" Shizuo pleaded.

"I'm scared."

A whisper so soft, Shizuo couldn't believe he heard it.

Slowly, she raised her head and tilted it upwards to bare her face to him, to the man she had been running away from since high school. Eyes rimmed red, face flushed pink and tears streaming, she sniffled and kept eye contact with the man whose mouth dropped slightly and eyes widening disbelievingly.

"I am Orihara fucking Izaya," she began shakily. "I was thought to be a man, throughout the most important times of my life, and I am the child-bearer of Heiwajima Shizuo." Eyebrows furrowing, Shizuo waited for her to continue as she hiccupped and maintained a fierce, though tearful, eye contact. "I've assisted suicides. I've worked in the dirtiest parts of the underground world that you could ever hope to dig up. I'm a cold, heartless bastard who suddenly became the mother of a beautiful boy. I love all humans-

So what makes you so fucking special?" her voice broke off at the end as she grit her teeth and her mouth frowned in an open grimace. "You don't even love me-"

"Don't ever say that!" Shizuo growled.

"But you don't!" she protested, wincing when Shizuo's hands unintentionally gripped her harder.

"I do! I loved you 8 years ago then, and I love you now," he confessed, suddenly loosening his grip as a stunned Izaya gazed up at him through her tears. "I… like you said… you were a guy… and I… uh… thought you and I… we were both… Uh…" Shizuo trailed off, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed. Eyes widening in understanding, Izaya hid a smile and cursed being so _human_.

Feeling so reassured that he loved her simply because he told her that he thought he used to be gay.

What a joke.

Heart thumping, Izaya pushed her negative thoughts away and let the moment flow as it wished, taking this chance before it was too late again.

"I'm scared," Izaya murmured, leaning her forehead against Shizuo's broad, warm, thumping chest.

"So am I," Shizuo replied, nuzzling his nose into her hair gently.

"I don't want to let you in because I'm scared of getting hurt," she continued, burying her face into his nicely prepared clothes he had originally worn for the date.

"I don't want to let you go _because_ it hurts," Shizuo retaliated softly. She tilted her face upwards and searched his warm eyes in the darkness for any trace of a lie. "Trust me."

Brushing away her tears and bringing himself to boldly lick away the salty trails that glistened in the blended city lights coming from her living room wall-window, she made no move to stop him as her fists clenched itself in her sweater and the blonde leaned down, slowly, to steal a sweet, innocent kiss.

Their first ever since the two had stumbled upon each other after 4 years of absence.

"You think you can kiss me?" the threat from last night had resurfaced, sweeter, gentler, and uncertain as the blonde ruffled her inky locks of hair and brought her close to his body in a one armed hug.

"Then stop fucking pouting."

And she leaned up with a pout to seal their lips together again.

* * *

><p>OMAKE -<p>

Settled in her warm pajamas finally, and brushed and clean and ready for bed, Izaya wobbled her way over to the bedroom until-

"Ow!" she protested, rubbing the back of her head that was just smacked by some protozoan's rather large hand. Shizuo glared down at her fiercely and she glanced up at him warily, extremely confused.

Didn't they just fucking make up and make out?

"Don't leave me out in the cold again. Heartless bitch," Shizuo muttered playfully, leaning down to steal a goodnight kiss.

"Sleep tight, Iza-chan," he cooed before ruffling her hair playfully and walking downstairs to his assigned couch.

Blushing and bringing a hand to gently rub at the tingly feeling that originated from his hands on her hair, she tensed and yelled out throughout the house and into the night-

"Stupid Shizu-chan!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: I'm so terrible...

Sorry... ;A;

My excuses are : I'm practically never at home.

I'm always busy with studying or work or school

I've got trial examinations coming up for the final year of high school.

and and and I've got my own issues I'm trying to deal with now

But I love you guys I really do... D:

But here you gooo let the fluffiness begin! So sorry about the long wait again, and I'll try to upload a new IM chapter as soon as I can as well, so please hang in there!

Reviews and Criticisms appreciated!


	9. DISCONTINUATION NOTE

REAAAALLLY sorry guys!

This is not an update, and there won't be any more.

So sorry, but I really have no inspiration and see no reason to continue this story. You readers are so lovely always offering me support but I just can't find it in myself to continue this story. So after a few weeks, I will be deleting this story off my account.

On another happier note I HAVE updated Inspire Me! And that story will continue to the very end, so fear not for that fic! Really sorry about this guys, but I will continue updating that story and not this one. Thank you so much for your support and such, and you've all been really good to me, but this story will be discontinued.

Keep track of my other updates because I have a whole trove of ideas for one shot fics and other stories! :D

Thank you all for understanding!


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